I have a habit of not restarting my laptop. I put it to sleep at night (after running it for a dozen hours a day) and then turn it right back on in the morning to do it all over again.

I’ll finally restart it when it noticeably slows down and my productivity is actually hindered by its sluggishness.

Sometimes, I push it too far and have to call IT because the screen goes blank and I can’t do anything. I’m advised then to push a needle through a pinhole on the bottom of the laptop to give it a “super reset.” That forces the computer to restart and then I start my cycle all over again.

It is not accurate to compare ourselves to computers but in this case, I can’t help but see the parallels between how I treat my laptop and how I treat myself.

I should be regularly shutting down and restarting. It is good for mind, body and soul. I should not run myself to a breaking point because, unlike my laptop, I don’t have a secret “super reset” button.

As we get older, change doesn’t happen as often, or at least, we do not go about seeking it. We get stagnant and stuck in daily or weekly routines. We aren’t necessarily scared of new things but also do not see the need for them when certain things steadily contribute to our comfortable lives.

When we throw ourselves into a new setting with new people or a whole new schedule or new activities, that is when we can really grow. Being in a whole new environment and ideally for a longer period of time, really gives us the contrast we need from our day to day to recognize the things that work and the things that don’t work.

If given the opportunity, toss hesitation aside and try on something different to see how you can change your life for the better.

Being productive is a societal value that many subconsciously bring into their own value set.

Just because we can do more doesn’t mean that we should.

What determine if we “can”? Hours in the day? Being awake? Have a breathing body?

This world will take us for all we’ve got if we don’t hold our boundaries for what we do and don’t do.

Determine what parameters bring about a yes and a no. Be flexible with them or hold as firm as you wish.

Remember that just because you can doesn’t mean that you have to.

Our relationships show patterns to us.

If we are a puzzle piece, we bring others into our lives who fit into the shape of our puzzle piece. If we continually see that our relationships aren’t working, we need to address our puzzle piece. (After all, it is the only the thing we have control over.)

If I get irked about the same thing over and over again in my relationships, I take a hard (it’s very hard) look at myself to see what I may be doing to continually bring about this pattern. And then I address it at its core.

This does not mean that you are at fault or are to blame. This also does not mean that you can’t be upset about these patterns or tough relationships. And it does not absolve the other person/people’s actions (but their business is not your responsibility!). This approach is investigative and solutions oriented. Once we can address how we are creating the pattern, we can start having different relationships.

In this modern world that is so fragmented relationally, it is easy to coast by on surface level connections. We may feel like it is normal, maybe even healthy, not to get too involved with others. This not only applies to those casual relationships with neighbors or other parents on the soccer team but also to parents, siblings, “best” friends and even partners and spouses.

We are social beings, whether we like it or not.

We long for authentic connection. We need community to survive and thrive. How we relate defines so much of who we are.

It is imperative for us to feel deeply connected with others. And yet, in our trauma-filled world, it can feel almost impossible to be vulnerable and to trust another person.

Our disconnection with each other is an indication of the disconnection we feel within ourselves. If we long for deeper relationships, we must look within first and foremost.

NOTE: This blog post is not applicable to truly dangerous and harmful relationships, and it is not meant to dismiss those very real situations.