Our personal evolution is an intentional act. While some components of it may be happenstance, the entirety of it, after zooming out, requires commitment and intention.

In what direction do we take personal evolution? There is no roadmap because the journey isn’t “out there.” I see it as a journey in – into the depths of our being and what has been.

Being seen can be liberating. A feeling of finally! And on the other side of the coin is complete and utter fear and powerlessness as the desire to retreat takes hold and we unconsciously hide away emerging occasionally to peek around and see if it is safe again to come out.

We want to be seen. Because in order to do our best work, we’ve got to get out there. Our intellectual brains know this and works towards it.

However, if we grew up not feeling seen and not being seen by the important people in our lives (parents, family, teachers, etc.), the sensations are unfamiliar and feel very unsafe in our bodies. Double that for marginalized folks (women, LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, people with disabilities, low income, etc.) who aren’t seen by society.

So not only are we working with systemic limitations in order to get our work out there but then we are having to deal with these beliefs that rear their head every time it feels like we are making any progress.

There will never be enough external validation to bring us out of our fear of being seen. It needs to come from the inside out. The way to get there is inner healing, embodying our power and knowing our truths.

If you find yourself flip flopping on wanting to be seen, contact me to schedule a 20 minute exploratory session so we can start uncovering what is keeping you hidden.

We all have a voice.

Yes, there is a physical voice that most of us have where we can speak and sing and communicate what we want and don’t want.

And there is our inner voice. The voice that knows who we are and wants to share our wisdom, our story, our greatest thoughts about life and being.

That voice does not always emerge because of the competing voices in our head. The voices from society, our parents and other adults, our critics. Those voices override what we truly want to tell the world. Those voices keep us small and safe.

True authentic being is allowing that inner voice out unapologetically and with conviction.

You have a story to tell, a perspective to share. Our outer world needs your inner voice.

I try to live with little regret but when we are young, we make mistakes. I had a dream last night about a friend who I grew apart from. There was no shouting match or major falling out. Instead, I gradual receded from the relationship. I think my leaving was very much an attempt for me to be my own person and the only way I saw that happening, as an oblivious teenager, was separating. It was rather unconscious and something I couldn’t explain at the time. Reflecting, I know it was one of the most pivotal decisions of my life and it led to my life today.

But I do wonder often, “What if?”

What if I stayed friends with her? What kind of person would I have become? And what if I was still friends with her? What would that look like?

The thing with pivotal moments is they are a crossroads. When I ask those what if questions to myself, a million scenarios come to mind and my brain starts living in a million impossible scenarios. 

There are two versions of “what if” thoughts. The retroactive what if where we look in the past and wonder how life would look if something else had happened instead. 

Retroactive what if’s are impossible scenarios! They stalemate our brains because there is nothing we can do in order to change the situation to meet that scenario.

And then there is the proactive what if that is future looking. 

Proactive what if’s are all about possibility. 

What if I start a business on this passion of mine? What if I travel to Brazil for a month? What if I created art everyday?

The energy of proactive what if’s are different. There is an expansion to them. There is excitement and a brightness. We can actually do something about proactive what if’s – they are dreams we can take action on.

More often than we’d like to admit, we live in the past with many retroactive what if’s swirling through out brains. That is stifling. It keeps us in a kind of freeze mode without any resolution. Or it makes us live our life in a way that always feels like one step forward, five steps back.

When we come across a retroactive what if, it is an opportunity to release the hold that these thoughts have on us and to look ahead and see what is possible instead.

Are you wrangling with a retroactive what if thought right now? Think of it, close your eyes and locate it in your body. Wish it well and ask the thought to dissolve back into the universe. Tell me how that goes for you!

If you want to work on that what if scenario together, book a coaching session with me.

I’ve been going to the gym since October. 

Five months later, I’m starting to see some physical results.

I’ve taken it slow. Most of my time has been on the recumbent bike (I call it the lazy bike) where I watch a webinar or do work while moving my legs. I’m even writing this blog while on the bike. 

Some of the hardest parts of creating an exercise habit is fitting it into an already busy life. In this case, I replaced my desk time with bike time. And I placed zero pressure on myself to “perform.”  If I showed up, it was a win. 

I stuck with it because being away from home and only on a bike with my phone was distraction-free and thus very productive work-wise. Sure, I have watched a couple of TV shows, and if you decide to replace your TV on the couch time with TV on the bike time, that’s great! 

Building the habit of going and doing it at a minimum is fine because in the beginning you want to focus on working the muscle that is about showing up. 

“A” for attendance

My husband tells me I’d get more out of my time if I ran on the treadmill. But I despise the treadmill and my goal isn’t to run a 7 minute mile. I very much value my “working” time at the gym. 

I have also joined a few classes and that has been a great opportunity to meet other people and work muscles in a different way. 

The first weeks in my classes were hard. But I showed up, went to the back of the class and did the thing – at a minimum. No one is going to give me a gold star for doing more and there are no punishments for doing less. So instead, I’m listening to my body and taking it at my ideal pace. 

What are my goals? To feel clear headed, feel stronger and eventually, fit into some clothes I haven’t worn in years. 

My head has been much clearer since the first week. That benefit alone has been worth it. And after a couple of months, I’ve felt noticeably stronger, able to pick up my kiddos with more ease. And recently I’ve started fitting better into my clothes. 

Results don’t all come at once. Habits build on themselves. We’ve gotta hit each milestone in its time. And most importantly, do it while listening to our bodies and doing it in a sustainable way.