I went down a small rabbit hole of motivational videos last night. I was looking for something to listen to in the background as I was starting to do some uninteresting work.

I came across quite a few videos labelled as “motivational” so I checked them out.

They did not sit well with me.

They were overridden with very masculine messages –

Just do it

Do not rest until you get whatever you are working towards.

Force yourself to adhere to a schedule.

Get ready – it’s warrior time!

No days off.

Do more.

Keep going.

All of these messages are ruthless ultimatums. They fit under an antiquated, masculine, authoritarian version of motivation.

Motivation should not be offered with an at-all-costs mentality. That isn’t healthy, sustainable or effective.

I much prefer the kind of motivation that we would give to children. The motivation and encouragement one would receive from their loved one as they were trying something new, scary or challenging.

Motivation can be gentle, sympathetic and encouraging while be effective! Authoritarian motivation is only necessary because we are either doing something that we don’t want to do or that we are scared to do.

Pushing through gets the job done. Just like pushing through a labor and delivery gets a birth to the finish line.

But what are the consequences of that?

Do we emerge having “succeeded” but also having inflicted trauma on ourselves or others in the process?

Do we “finish” only to never want to do it again?

Do we force our way through using our “strength” only to have weakened our trust in our instincts?

Let’s do motivation another way. Let’s understand the core of what is preventing progress and work through that angle. Just like in labor, let’s pause, evaluate and then take the measures that the situation calls for.

May motivational words and support be more affirmative statements, and may those who seek them never feel bullied, coerced or forced.

I love frameworks whether they be for business or for personal use. In my self-identity journey, I took every personality test I could get my hands on.

Getting results that really resonate and make me shout “Yes!” is validating and makes me feel seen.

What I love most about frameworks is that they give us a starting place for conversation, examination or creation.

The perfect framework does not exist. I once heard that any one diet only works for about one-third of the population. That makes total sense when I think about how Ayurveda (one of my favorite health frameworks) has three types.

The answers we seek lie within ourselves. We must be able to practice discernment when presented with a framework or solution of any sort. We must be able to know when something isn’t going to work for us and draw that boundary. We cannot indiscriminately adopt a set of standards without first running it through our own truths and values.

The power of a framework actually lies in how we choose to utilize it.

What if you have knocked down all the barriers that were in your way?

What if the finish line feels like it’s right there?

What if all of your hard work has paid off?

And what if the only thing that is standing between you and the thing you want most is you?

What if there were no more excuses?

No more distractions?

No more things to point your fingers at?

What would you do then?

Would you procrastinate?

Would you retreat to bad habits?

Would you be frozen in fear?

We are taught to conquer external factors that stand in the way of our goals. However, we are not taught what to do when everything else is behind us except ourselves.

We will only be able to get to the other side if we strip ourselves down to the core of who we are.

We have to reprogram our patterns of thinking and of doing.

We have to surrender to our fears and to the unknown.

We have to forgive ourselves for everything we feel guilty of.

We have to remind ourselves that we deserve to be happy. That it is safe to be happy. That our happiness does not take away from anyone else’s.

And then we will realize that there were never really any other obstacles beside ourselves.

If you are getting in your own way, let’s chat. Send me a message to schedule a 30 minute discovery session to identify one step you can take to keep moving forward towards the thing you want most!

Sometimes life is a lot. We are juggling while managing full plates and weights on our shoulders.

And sometimes, it is more than okay to let go.

Let go of control. Let go of expectation. Let go of fear.

When letting go, I sit back and slowly tell myself – it is what it is.

Tonight, I’m taking it a step further and saying it will be what it will be.

A friend was telling me that in Spanish, there is a phrase that is the equivalent of “That’s not worth it” and directly translated, it says – “That is not worth the trouble” or the pain or the sadness.

In American English, we often say “That’s not worth it” without qualifying what “it” is.

What is “it”?

Generally, I’d say it’s our time or our money. Sometimes it is in reference to our mental health.

I wonder what our language would be like if we said exactly what it isn’t worth.