As my youngest enters toddlerhood, I can feel a part of me wanting to hold back time.
The hardest part is knowing we will not have any more newborn snuggles, first smiles, foods and steps, and the absolute unadulterated joy that a baby brings into a home. My heart already is aching and mourning the loss that never was.
How does someone mourn the loss of something that was/is never going to happen? There is nothing to memorialize or to remember. How does someone complete the cycle of that loss when there is no footing for it?
Perhaps it is a matter of finding grounding in the present and allowing that grief to work its way down through the bottom of the feet, growing roots so that we can find steady ground in the here and now.