Feeling sorry for myself is complicated.
After I realize that I am feeling sorry for myself, I immediately feel guilt. Guilt because so many people around the world face much worse situations everyday. Guilt because the privilege of feeling sorrow for myself is not something my mom was able to ever allow to hold her back. And guilt because feeling those emotions seems to take away the gratitude that I have for my life.
This is one of those instances where I need to be able to hold two truths at the same time.
I can feel sorry for myself while also feeling gratitude for everything I have. My feelings do not diminish others’ experiences or hardships. And my feelings do not diminish the gratitude I hold.
When I get into that state, I do nestle into my self pity even for a little bit. Laying in bed in fetal position and allowing the tears to fall is very much part of my process. It’s like the wallowing and the tears work with the gratitude to free me of the sadness and frustration in order for me to get up and keep going.
Didn’t I say it was complicated?