Today I healed an intergenerational trauma I have been carrying about my maternal grandmother my entire life. This is not the first time I have received/done a healing around my grandmother, a woman whom I have never met and whom my mom has no recollection of, and I know it will not be the last.
Some people say healing is like peeling an onion and its many layers. While my version of healing has many tears, I’d like to think of trauma to be layered like a good puff pastry. Some layers are distinct while some are completely indistinguishable from the other. The delayering process is not quite so neat but it is doable when the circumstances are right.
These layers are created over a lifetime and in this particular case, a couple of lifetimes. The trauma isn’t the original experience but the resurfacing of the memory/feeling/sensation and reaction of my nervous system to that resurfacing. That’s why it is many layers deep, not just a wham-bam, one time and I’m healed.
I’ve often wondered what is the point of all this healing. Will I ever get to a point where I am trauma free? What would that even look like? I’m learning that healing helps me release those incomplete cycles within me and my lineage. It won’t make me trauma free but it will make me more me. While I have been shaped by the trauma, it doesn’t have to engulf and control me. I’m not sure if the puff pastry will ever be gone but it feels good to slowly peel off the layers.