In my last post, I spoke about how Kimberly Johnson said that being in a Zoom group was practice for being together in real life. She also mentioned that self care was only necessary because of what is lacking in life (my interpretation of her words).

That idea really hit me.

If our lifestyles weren’t so “busy,” so disconnected and so sedentary, we would not need meditation, trauma healing and bodyworkers.

If our relationships with people were more healing, soothing and complete, we would not be seeking therapists, coaches and healers to repair our broken souls.

If our “work” wasn’t so economically driven, disconnected to what we love to do and so sedentary, we wouldn’t be seeking side hustles and passion projects (yes, it can be a form of self care), using plant medicine and traveling to faraway locations.

What would life look like if we didn’t “practice” self-care and instead, lived it everyday? What systems in our world have to crumble in order for that to happen?

Have we gone too far into this version of existence to be able to create one where we no longer need to meditate because we live in a constantly present state? Or one where people are trauma informed and do not harm one another without repair? Or a world where we move our bodies naturally and not in repetitive, unnatural motions that require intervention?

If it is achievable, it will definitely not be in my lifetime. Though I think it is one of the worthiest goals to contribute towards.

In her latest Jaguar Uncaged class, Kimberly Johnson shared how being in a Zoom group was practicing for being together and that really hit me. Through work and life especially over the last couple of years, I have equated online interactions to be reality. As I have retreated more from everyday interactions with real live people, I have subconsciously convinced myself that I was truly connecting with people because I was talking to so many people…virtually.

I’m re-jiggering my brain to break that connection and to realize that online interaction is not the same as real life.

It is not the same as sitting across the table from someone drinking tea and feeling their presence.

It is not the same as being excited to see each other and giving them a hug – not an air hug but a real, firm bear hug.

It is not the same as sitting in silence undistracted from technology as you witness them weeping.

Not having grown up with internet, I have enough memories to lean on when I think about really connecting with someone. And even then, I have gotten lost in what is reality and what is a watered down, binary version of it.

While online, I think our nervous systems register negative feelings (e.g., fear, anger, and sadness) the same as we would get in person. While we can get some positive feelings, it is not possible to replicate the nervous system stimulation we’d get from touch, energetic presence and familiarity. Virtual reality companies are doing everything they can to mimic what can happen in real life and cherry picking it so that there are more positive feelings and less social risks making it more palatable for the user.

My fear is that it will be a decent enough replacement for in person that humans will forget how to truly relate to one another and forget the importance of in person interaction. It seems I have already forgotten some of that.

I have a fear of disappointing people because I am not the version of me who they think I am. This version of me is smarter, funnier, calmer, more disciplined, and more aligned than who I really am. I hear it in questions that they ask me or compliments that they lovingly share.

However, I am not responsible for what someone thinks of me. I can only live and express my truth. How someone wants to interpret that is out of my hands. In our culture, it is really easy for us to think someone’s home, family and entire being are more perfect than they actually are.

I often have to catch myself when I start unrealistically comparing myself to a more perfect version of the person I know or follow. I remind myself that my assumptions of them are unlikely to be true and that they probably also slack off, get frustrated with their kids, and make mistakes. It is also an exercise in holding the truth that they are not as “good” as I think they are and that they are still great people in their own right.

The thing that we all need to do is humanize each other. Know that we are all imperfect. We all have faults, not so great things in our history and insecurities of our own.

It is dangerous to unconsciously make assumptions about someone and believing that they are true.

May we all live in a world that reality is based on real-ness and that we can forgive each other and ourselves for thinking the best of others.

One skill that has been important in my growth and healing is the ability to break myself out of a trance. By trance, I don’t mean hypnosis. Rather, I mean a trance-like state where I go into an automatic mode of being. It comes in various versions – mindlessly following what is in front of me, letting anger, worry or fear take over without any discernment or falling into a rut where I feel powerless and all seems ill-fated.

The first step to breaking the trance, like many things, is awareness. I step outside of myself and see that what I am doing is not quite in alignment with me and what I want to be experiencing. General mind and body awareness and meditation have helped with honing this ability.

The next step is identifying the underlying issue. This takes evaluation from different angles and asking lots of questions. I pop open the hood to see what part of me is triggered.

Lastly is cutting that trance short and breaking out of it. Before I became aware of these states, I would be in them for weeks sometimes. Now, once I am aware and can identify the issue, I can take steps to break the pattern. Depending on how I am entranced, I do something out of that norm or I try to get back to my routine of yoga or meditation which I probably stopped doing during this time.

It gets a little easier each time, and it all starts within.

Nature is as close to perfection as it gets.

The symmetry and patterns. The ebbs and flows of the weather and landscape. The various interlocking and overlapping circles of life. The balance of predator and prey.

Humans strive for perfection. It is one of those pointless tasks we submit ourselves to, fooling ourselves that we have control over certain aspects of our lives. We alter ourselves and our surroundings to meet made-up standards, trying to override the natural order of things.

Nature is perfect because of all of the reasons stated earlier. And it is also perfect because it is steadfast in itself. If a rock is blocking the growth of a tree, the tree simply grows around it, taking the path of least resistance. There is no questioning of what is right or wrong. There is no vindictive competition for space. There are no grudges held.

Humans strive for perfection and in doing so, we are trying to outdo everyone else. It is a race for power, status and fame. Humans will never achieve perfection because perfection can only exist in balance, harmony and in being.