Moms get mixed messages of what to prioritize.
Our children are obviously a priority. So is rest. So is self care. So is the family unit. So is nutrition and feeding our kids. So is a clean home. So is community work. So is friendships. And so on and so on.
Ultimately, we are the ones who set the priorities which can shift and be re-ordered.
No one gets to say what those are for you except you.
It’s that time of year again where folks at full time jobs receive their year-end reviews.
I’ll be frank – I’m not a fan of this process or any process where I receive feedback. Feedback makes me cringe, drawing up thoughts of “I’m not good enough.” Even if the feedback is constructive, my system always sees it as criticism as I never received positive feedback growing up – not because I didn’t do good things but because in my family, good things were expected and the norm. Feedback only given when things were bad.
I’m slowly learning (and unlearning) that feedback is one person’s point of view. And it is not an attack on my character or worthiness. I am inherently worthy. We all are inherently worthy.
If the feedback serves me, I can take it. If it doesn’t work for me, I can leave it. I’m sure there is a lot of inner work to do in this area but today, these thoughts are enough.
Nice to meet you. I am Lisa, and I ___________________.
What goes into that blank eluded me for a long time.
In college, I learned about elevator pitches and how important it was to craft a good one.
Talk about anxiety.
Being stuck in an enclosed, oxygen-limited space and having to somehow convey who I am to a stranger before a bell ‘dings’ and they leave bringing along all possibilities of a bright future…where’s the panic button??
During my year of self-identity, a period of intense self-examination, I realized, “I am Lisa, and I seek to live an inspired life.”
While I love being a mom and it has changed my life in an infinite number of ways, describing who I am with titles and roles is not enough. I have found that who I am is about a feeling I follow and a feeling I want to give to others.
We are not one thing. We are all things and nothing all at the same time. Maybe the best way we can summarize who we are is not in roles or titles but in what we seek and what we seek to serve.
So, it’s nice to meet you. I’d love to know – who are you?
How do we live in a world where opposing truths are valid in their own microcosms but come to head in a bigger community?
Perhaps not a popular opinion (though I’m not sure) but reality is relative and there is often truth to both sides.
Resolutions will not come from coercion or beating the belief out of someone. They will come from conversations, relationships and empathy from all parties. And it will come from each side seeing the truth in each other.
I’ve been asking myself lately – what if I’m wrong? What if I am totally bananas in the wrong and completely off the mark?
What if motherhood doesn’t need reclaiming?
What if my idea of whole health is false?
What if trauma isn’t the source of so many of our decisions?
What if racism is completely made up?
What if X was actually a good president?
It has been quite powerful.
Because exploring even the remote possibility of my being wrong means someone on the “opposing” side is right. This can be triggering because no one wants to be wrong.
After I breathe through that fear of being wrong, this question imposes deep empathy and understanding. Many times, I do see what is right on the other side, especially if I focus it on a person and their life circumstances, point of view and knowledge. (This includes biases based on the patriarchy and white supremacy as well.)
This question also makes me substantiate my side and almost every time, I come back to yes, they are right in their stance but I am also right in mine. This is not an angry or defensive “yes, but my view is better one!”; but instead, it is an understanding of the other person and a “but in my body, I know this is the right stance for me.”
Questioning ourselves (aka poking holes in our positioning/narrative) doesn’t have to be a process that tears us down. It can be a way of better understanding where our truths and boundaries lie.