Lisa for Real

249. Nothing more profound

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Nothing is more profound, beautiful, serene, awe-inspiring, gentle, peaceful, overwhelming and deep than watching a baby sleep.

That angelic face with nary a wrinkle of concern.

The gentle rise and fall of their body as breath fills them and flows out of them.

The silence that takes over after moments or hours of play.

The vulnerability and openness their bodies exhibit in any position of sleep.

There is truly nothing like it.

As adults, we all carry some of that beauty, peace and vulnerability with us, and it is on true display when we rest.

That beauty is in our face when it loses its lines of skepticism, laughter, concern and anger.

The serene is in our body that swells on the in breath and releases on the out breath.

The peace is in the act of sleep which helps us cleanse of the day and renew for the next.

And vulnerability is in the unguarded positions our bodies take while resting.

Nothing is more profound than an adult surrendering every night into slumber trusting to awaken with enough peace to handle what life throws at them.

248. The flavors of truth

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Truths aren’t all created equal.

There are the deep truths that are felt deep within our bones. They are undeniable beliefs uncovered through trial and error, pattern recognition or maybe even eureka moments. These truths are the pillars to living our best life and being our truest selves. Our body may scream them to us, or wiser-than-us friends may whisper them to us.

Then there are simple truths that encompass a surface level fact of who we are. They are true simply because that is who we are in present moment – there is no room for interpretation. This includes our age, our race, our location, our parents, our bodies and so on.

When someone doesn’t accept us for our deep in our bones kinds of truths, it is easy to dismiss them as “not our kind of people.” But when someone doesn’t accept us for our simple truths, it can feel like “we are not their kind of people.”

Perhaps it is because our deep truths have been shaped over a lifetime (or several lifetimes) and for someone to not see eye to eye with us, it is a lack of understanding on their end. But if someone doesn’t agree with a simple truth, it feels more raw because it is not like they misinterpreted who we are – we can’t change that aspect of ourselves.

But maybe those moments of rejection to the simple truths are actually the most powerful because when someone rejects us for something that we cannot change, we can only do one of two things – accept that aspect of ourselves or reject it as well. And if we choose to accept ourselves, we have a grand opportunity of integrating our simple truths into deep ones.

247. The ultimate self work

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Control is something we all want to have in one form or another. I’ve learned slowly, over time and repeatedly that there is only so much I can control.

Parenting has been a huge lesson in how false the idea of control is. There is nothing like trying to mother a spirited child to really bring you back down to earth. Whenever I try to take control while parenting, I am miserable.

And really, this goes into any relationship. With my partner and mother and family and friends – though I can’t say I have as much desire to control them as I do my kids.

What helps me grounded while parenting and times where I feel like I have very little control is my favorite lesson from Wayne Dyer – his quote on karma – “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” 

I only have control over how I react to other people and situations.

And so the ultimate self work is in examining those reactions, healing the ones that are undesirable and continuing to dig into the layers of who we are.

246. More than an equal exchange

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I’ll be in conversations with friends or family, and I think, “Wow, this person is amazing. They are giving me so much, and I’m like a lump on a log. I’ve gotta think of something helpful to say/do or I won’t be giving enough.”

At some point growing up, the idea of fairness came to mean an equal exchange. And that idea carried over to relationships where each conversation has to end up “even.”

But that’s not how relationships work. The give and take exchange does not have to be even at the end of each interaction. A relationship takes place over time and that give and take does as well. And just maybe, that “deficit,” which is really gratitude, keeps us going back to the other person to try to even it out.

At the end of the day, true relationships aren’t about keeping score but to make sure the other person knows how valued and important they are.

245. Greater than the sum of your parts

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Who we are is amazingly complex. We all have so many identities, playing countless roles in many relationships.

When we are given the opportunity to answer the question “Who am I?” it is a reflex to head to those roles and rattle them off for the inquirer. But we are more than the roles and parts we play.

We are all of them and much much more.

I’m curious to know, what is your “more”?