I have a great need to feel whole – not just as a mother but also as a creator, a writer and coach, community member, friend, wife and all the other roles I embody.
As I mother, I wonder – do my children need to see me as my whole self? Or do they only need to see me as their mom?
I think the latter.
My children need me to be their security and consistency. My achievements are not as noteworthy as making a yummy dinner or reading them a bedtime story.
The balance of who I wholly am and who I am to my children feels at odds at times, an impossible task of balancing my need to be fulfilled in creating and their needs in being filled with love and presence.
My creating and art has never been for my kids. They’ve always been a selfish act offsetting the selflessness of mothering. My creating allows me to feel whole and grounded as motherhood throws me off balance, opens old wounds and calls for me to be all the things to me kids.