I have come to learn over the past 7 years that parenting is my biggest spiritual practice, and my children, living and in spirit, are my greatest teachers.
Triggers signal the parts of me that carry hurt, sadness and anger. I heal by re-parenting myself which then hopefully let’s me parent better – that’s all I can really do.
You don’t need validation from anyone else.
Your feelings are enough. They are reason enough to start or stop something.
Your body is enough. You don’t need to change – you are inherently worthy.
Your boundaries are enough. Your “no” needs no justification. Your “no” needs to be listened to.
You are enough. You are worthy.
Self-validation is a real thing, and it is something we can embody. It is way more powerful than external validation because no one can take it from you. There are no uncontrollable changing parameters with self-validation.
If the concept of self-validation feels foreign to your mind, body or spirit, hold space for it being a possibility.
Hold space for that part of you who wanted to raise her hand in class but stopped herself fearing she was wrong and would be reprimanded.
Hold space for that part of you who wanted to voice her opinion but was scared of what others would think because she had been ridiculed before.
And hold space for that part of you who wanted to tell someone to f*ck off but didn’t because “good girls” don’t curse, and how scary is it to not be considered a “good girl” in this world?
Remove the fear and allow those parts of you out because they are still a part you. And they are ready to help you reclaim your worth.
When I held the Fourth Trimester Summit in 2016, I was fairly new to interviewing people. There were times it was really intimidating speaking to authors, experts and well-studied professionals. But I really loved it! I found each of the forty-three people I interviewed to be so interesting beyond just the topic that they spoke about but simply as people.
I put out a survey to the attendees after the event. Most of the feedback was positive but there was one piece of critical feedback that stuck to me. The attendee said that I used the word “awesome” too much. When I re-watched some of the interviews, I definitely noticed that I used it quite a bit. While it made me feel a bit foolish, a big part of me also thought – the word was completely appropriate because all of my guests were awesome!
Awesome is defined as “causing or inducing awe,” which is “an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration…”
My high school English teacher often used “awesome” but he was very adamant in sharing how he was using it properly vs. using it as slang like all of his students.
I feel the same about the world “remarkable” which I do not use nearly as much as I use “awesome” (though I may after writing this post). Remarkable things “make you want to make a remark about them” – they are worthy of remark. And when I start using it more, I will probably “overuse” it like awesome.
But who cares when I get to be truly in awe of so many things and see them worthy of remark?
Everyone’s got super powers.
Yes, you too.
Brush aside the naysaying, and let’s entertain the idea that you do.
You may not think you have a super power because those abilities are completely normal to you. They come easily, and you don’t think twice before using them.
They are something that your friends, family and maybe even loose acquaintances complement you on. They may trust you to do these things or they may trust you because you can do these things. They may even encourage you to do them more often.
But you think they are no big deal.
If I were to place you in a room (or a Zoom) with 20 other random people, it would be quite apparent what your super powers are.
Have you thought of one or two yet?
But they aren’t that special, you say?
Well, flying, running really fast and lifting heavy objects all came easy to Superman. He thought nothing of those powers but they are what made him extraordinary. And they are what helped him do the good deeds that the world so desperately needed.
So don’t hide those super powers anymore. Claim them! The world needs you to shine and live and do more brightly! It needs the impact that you hope to bring to it.
How many times does something have to not work out before it’s okay for me to stop, throw my hands in the air and say I give in/give up/am all done?
WHY does it feel like there needs to be a threshold to be crossed before I am “allowed” to stop?
Do I really need to try try try again? What if I’m already all done but I only tried once? Does that make me not resilient? Am I a quitter?
And the little voices want to know – does that mean I am a bad person?
Or, instead, does it mean that I have boundaries and a sense of knowing what is right for me? That I respect my mental, emotional or physical health to know when to stop? Or that I value my time and everyone else’s to be the one who steps out? Or that I am an autonomous being with a say in what I do or I don’t do?
No one gets to decide any of that but me.