Don’t allow your fears to distract you from your power.
It is normal to be afraid of how much we can do because we were never taught to embrace all of ourselves.
To some, we may be too much – but in reality, we are more than enough and more than deserving and more than able.
Don’t forget.
A colleague recently brought up the fact that mental health was not a focus growing up, but it really is coming to mainstream now. Unfortunately, a lot of the dialogue around our minds is similar to how we have approached our bodies – to hack it.
I used to LOVE the word “hack” but I am starting to have a love/hate relationship with it.
I love finding quicker and better solutions to problems. But the idea of hacking certain things leaves me feeling gross – particularly our bodies and minds.
Why do we need to be hacked? What caused us to be suboptimal? And what are we being hacked for?
Ultimately, so we can be more productive and keep this machine called capitalism in motion.
We push our bodies and minds to produce, to churn, to create for “the man” but what if we aren’t meant to produce the way that the system wants and needs us to? What if we are NEVER meant to do so because our bodies and minds are not created or designed the way that is needed by a capitalist system?
Instead of hacking, how about we honor our bodies and minds. We honor each season of life that we are in, and we ebb and flow with them. We get to know ourselves. Get acquainted with our abilities, however big or small, and do what feels good for each. We work to undo the trauma that has been inflicted on our body and mind to get to the root of who we are. We heal that inner child and undo the damage incurred by growing up in our society.
Then, maybe we can be whole.
You and I are not the same.
Comparison of each other would not be fair.
My child and I are not the same.
Comparison would not be fair.
I today and I 2 years ago are not the same.
Comparison would not be fair.
My run today is not the same as my run two days ago.
Comparison would not be fair.
Each moment, each experience, and each individual stand on their own. There is no comparison, no marker, no standard to measure them against.
If we can start looking at something small, like a run taken or a meal cooked or a painting created, as a single experience unto itself, then there is no pressure. We can be a little more present. And our beautiful brains will start to apply this level of grace and understanding to bigger things like our children, ourselves and each other.
Dictionary definitions exist and seem official, but we are not required to use words as they are defined. Yes, it is helpful to have a generally understood definition because we want to communicate with other people (and helpful when a surgeon needs to know which organ to do a procedure on or something important like that) but definitions are absolutely not set in stone.
In reality, I, and you, hold the power to redefine words particularly when it comes to how we talk to, about and for ourselves. We can always re-create the meaning to fit what we want to make of it. We have the ability to use our awareness to deconstruct any word and flip-flop it to frame it in a way that works for us. Maybe the definition of it was never created with us (e.g., BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, women, person with a disability, etc.) in mind.
Words, in themselves, mean nothing. The power always lie with the ones who think and speak them.
The biggest way to set myself up for failure is to “go big.” The only times I ever really say “go big or go home” are around food 🙂 Otherwise, it’s a terrible phrase.
Going big is so built into our culture. We have to “make a big splash” and be the best ____ and the most ____. Big victories are what matter. Little victories are rarely celebrated.
I have found going small helps me actually meet my goals. Thinking too big overwhelms me, puts me in freeze and then I don’t do anything. But by micro-sizing my intentions, I can actually do them.
Take this journey of daily blogging. I’m used to writing long form – hundreds of words and many big thoughts at a time. I knew that if I set a straightforward goal to write daily I would fail. Instead, I started off with the goal of writing 100 words for each daily blog post. Taking a look at Seth Godin’s posts, I realized one does not need to write a lot to make a point. I challenged my verbose self to write very little. Going small helped me focus and build my momentum. Now, my posts aren’t quite so short, but without that initial limitation, I would have never gotten to 5 posts, much less 203.
Currently, I am going small with my running. I haven’t exercised regularly in a loooong time. Almost two years after birth #3, my body (and mind) finally feel ready to get back into shape. 3 miles was my standard distance when I used to run regularly but there was no way this body was going to be able to do that from the start. So instead, I’ve been focusing on a ~1 mile loop near my house through the woods. Through the woods = interesting terrain and away from people’s eyes that my self-conscious self did not want to be subjected to. A short loop means it is doable and those first couple of trips out where I basically ran at a walker’s pace did not last long enough to discourage me. I took run #4 today and feeling the momentum. I will probably never seek to run daily but I know going small is going to help me keep at it.
Go small, stay home, whatever works for you!