On the eve of launching my podcast, I am anxious and questioning myself.
I’ve been curled up in fetal position, nestled in a Lisa-shaped dip in the bed, warm, cozy and comfy under the covers. And launching this podcast would be the equivalent of throwing off the covers, shocking my body with frigid air and maybe also simultaneously having a bucket of ice water poured on me.
And for what? Why would I willingly embark on such an endeavor?
Why not just stick with writing? It’s worked out okay for me so far!
Podcasting seems like a whole other level of baring my soul. I’ve recorded hours of audio that I’ve deleted upon playback. Hearing my voice makes me cringe and gives me a pit in my stomach.
Stretching myself and my creating seems harder this time than before. But part of me also wonders if it is actually any different from when I launched this blog which I was equally inspired to create.
I have wanted to create a podcast for longer than I’ve been a mother. I have an archived folder on my computer with multiple cover arts for podcast ideas that have come and gone. If I don’t stretch and reach now, how long before this dream leaves me entirely, tired of my hiding and fears?
Fears are thoughts that our brains have created to protect us, but not the adult version of us. They were created to protect the little child version of us. Adult version of me knows podcasting is the next thing – even if the reasons are unclear. Little version of me says it is downright terrifying and in inquiring a little further, it is scary because new stages of my life have felt unsupported and are always where I lose friends – that feels scary and unsafe.
Oh, little Lisa, you have survived every new thing that you’ve done. New stages are where you’ve met amazing people – people who remain friends today. Following your inspirations have always led you down a path that seems like it was meant to be. And you have so much support from your physical and spiritual team who have been part of the magic of living this inspired life.
Intellectually knowing why I feel the fear does not make it any easier. This is one of those moments where I am feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Closing my eyes and hitting ‘publish’.
And I know, there will not be any big explosion. There will not be a mass exodus of family and friends. There will not be an upheaval of my life. There will be no covers pulled off of me. And there will be no bucket of ice water poured on me.
But what a choice to hit ‘publish’.