Lisa for Real

2.111 Observe like it’s one big experiment

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Life is one big experiment. There is no right or wrong way of experiencing it because no one has lived my life.

Standards exist and are considered to be the norm. However, normal does not mean that standard is applicable to my life (or anyone else’s really).

Instead of criticizing what is, wishing for what will be or what should have been or adhering to some sort of arbitrary standard, I observe.

I observe as if life is all a big experiment and I don’t have a horse in the race for it to go one way or another.

Observing leads me to not be so attached to who I am, who I was and who I want to be. Non-attachment is a beautifully explained in this episode of the Secular Buddhism podcast. In the episode, he shares an unattributed quote, “Non-attachment doesn’t mean we don’t own things. It means we don’t allow things to own us.”

Who knew that my practice of observing had a name to it and is part of a bigger existence? What an enjoyable observation.

2.82 What if it’s already written in the stars?

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Do you have a big thing that you want to accomplish? Maybe it’s something that you’ve been working towards for years. Or maybe it’s a new goal.

I have big things on my list including writing a book, being self-employed, making big changes in my communities, and I’ve been wondering lately, what if my big things are meant to happen? What if they are written in the stars and they will happen on some specific date in the future – 1, 5, 10 years from now? And what if, no matter how hard I try, I cannot change when they will happen?

If your big thing is written in the stars, it seems like life is not about achieving that thing since it’s already a given.

If life isn’t about becoming a published author or an actor or a business owner or a changemaker, then what is life about?

It must then be about who we are and how we are between now and when we reach that achievement. It must be about the journey and how we carry ourselves during this time. And it must be about trust in the ways of the world and in ourselves.

2.66 The essential role of ego

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In today’s episode of the podcast, my guest, Anna Tsui, says that ego isn’t a bad thing. It actually tethers us to this human experience and helps us be relatable.

I have thought – to be human is to be imperfect. Is it our ego that makes us imperfect?

It’s quite a bit to juggle – here we are, living in a world that is so ego driven, so human driven, and yet true happiness lies in the ability to put that part of us aside when we make decisions and go about our day. At the same time, we would not be who we are without our ego.

In Big Magic, Liz Gilbert describes her relationship with fear and how fear is allowed to come on her creativity journey but fear is not allowed to drive. I feel this may be exactly how we see ego as fear is very much a flavor of ego.

And so dear ego, I welcome you on this ride of life, but you have no say in where we go, how fast we drive or where we stop off at along the way.

2.49 What we, as humans, need most

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As humans and as community dependent beings, we need to be assured that we exist by others.

We need to be touched. The first form of touch many of us were fortunate to have and needed to have was physical touch. Loving kisses and gentle care. Physical touch tells us – here you are in your physical form. Here is your skin. You are safe to be contained in that skin. You are safe to be.

We need to be heard. Our cries are the first forms of communication to our caretakers. Our survival as babies was dependent on being heard. As we grow, we continue to need to be heard. We need others to thoughtfully listen and often, repeat what we say so then we can hear ourselves anew. We need others to hear the thoughts we have to disrupt the loop of self-talk.

We need to be seen. And this is something we cannot do for ourselves. The closest is a reflection or in photos. We will never be able to stand across from ourselves and truly look into our own eyes. We need others to say I see you. You are worthy. You are right where you need to be.

Our survival, our growth and our everyday living depend on community. We were never meant to be alone. Living our best lives has to include other people. Other people need us to lift them up, and we need others to do the same for us. We need others who give us assurance, safety and belonging. We need others who recognize our existence, our worth and our gifts. We need one another right from the start and all throughout this beautiful life.

2.47 Waves of release and relief

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I am a big crier. It took some time for my husband to get used to it when we first met.

I’m glad to say I’m still as big of a crier as I was when I met him – possibly even more.

I used to hold the full breadth of grief and sadness in and then release multiple holdings in many waves of sobbing when the floodgates were triggered open.

Now, I cry more as the feelings arise. The smaller waves are more manageable. I can roll with them and not feel like I got hit by a truck the next morning and have swollen eyes for days after.

Grief and sadness don’t go away if we don’t acknowledge them. They simply hide waiting for a better time to come out so they can finally be acknowledged. And that more ideal time is usually when they see an emotion just like them that can tag team them in.

Let the tears come. Let the waves of grief and sadness ripple through. Let the body feel the release and relief fully.