I’ve been asking myself lately – what if I’m wrong? What if I am totally bananas in the wrong and completely off the mark?

What if motherhood doesn’t need reclaiming?

What if my idea of whole health is false?

What if trauma isn’t the source of so many of our decisions?

What if racism is completely made up?

What if X was actually a good president?

It has been quite powerful.

Because exploring even the remote possibility of my being wrong means someone on the “opposing” side is right. This can be triggering because no one wants to be wrong.

After I breathe through that fear of being wrong, this question imposes deep empathy and understanding. Many times, I do see what is right on the other side, especially if I focus it on a person and their life circumstances, point of view and knowledge. (This includes biases based on the patriarchy and white supremacy as well.)

This question also makes me substantiate my side and almost every time, I come back to yes, they are right in their stance but I am also right in mine. This is not an angry or defensive “yes, but my view is better one!”; but instead, it is an understanding of the other person and a “but in my body, I know this is the right stance for me.”

Questioning ourselves (aka poking holes in our positioning/narrative) doesn’t have to be a process that tears us down. It can be a way of better understanding where our truths and boundaries lie.

May we always remember that we can get further together than we can ever get to alone.

Community is, more often than not, where the answers lie.

We were never meant to mother alone.

We were never meant to figure “it” out alone.

We were never meant to exist in silos or nuclear families or in fenced in yards.

We must stop carrying on as if all of those things are normal.

We must strip away the false ideals of independence, self-sufficiency and keeping up with the Jones’.

We must come together

We are wired to create connections on commonalities.

The thought process goes something like “You do this and I do this. We have that in common. We must have other things in common. You are a person I am like and so I like you.”

But what we have in common is important to note.

If that thing we are connecting on is something we love, there is an element of joy in it. It feels more sustainable and more authentic. There is an expansiveness to it.

If that thing we are connecting on is a common thing we hate, the relationship feels more superficial and weak.

This is not to say that we can’t start friendships on “things we hate” but beware when conversations are based on only the negative.

We all live in bubbles whether physically or virtually or both. We curate people and settings into our lives that make us feel safe and seen and heard.

Yes, your inner child thanks you.

The bubble feels safe in some ways because everyone in there is on “our side.” They see things the way we see them, and they aren’t out to change us.

It is a cozy bubble indeed.

But when living under such conditions, it’s important to recognize that we are in a bubble and to recognize that there are bubbles all around us. A lot is possible with so many bubbles around us.

That may feel unsafe because no one wants their bubble to burst.

Sometimes destruction occurs when bubbles collide where one or both bubbles will pop. The bubbles are gone but could it also be that those barriers disappear?

Or, seemingly more often than not, some bubbles will collide and then stick to one another after yielding and finding common ground. Or less commonly, bubbles come together to create one bigger bubble.

There is possibly real beauty when we see beyond our bubbles.

I’ll be in conversations with friends or family, and I think, “Wow, this person is amazing. They are giving me so much, and I’m like a lump on a log. I’ve gotta think of something helpful to say/do or I won’t be giving enough.”

At some point growing up, the idea of fairness came to mean an equal exchange. And that idea carried over to relationships where each conversation has to end up “even.”

But that’s not how relationships work. The give and take exchange does not have to be even at the end of each interaction. A relationship takes place over time and that give and take does as well. And just maybe, that “deficit,” which is really gratitude, keeps us going back to the other person to try to even it out.

At the end of the day, true relationships aren’t about keeping score but to make sure the other person knows how valued and important they are.