This week, a policy passed in my town. An instance of systemic racism and injustice perpetuating under the guise of neutrality but actually based in fear. I felt a whole range of emotions, none of which I had time for because my friends/fellow allies and I had to mobilize. I, as I have in many other instances throughout my life, felt the responsibility to hold it together.
The morning after the policy passed, in a text conversation with another group of friends who learned of the decision, one person said that her blood was boiling over the decision.
The second I saw her message, I broke down into tears, inconsolable for many minutes. These tears were the first I had shed over this issue.
In trying to keep it all together, I did not give myself permission to feel anything other than anger. When I read that text, it felt like I did not have to carry the entire burden of anger anymore. It felt like I was able to, even if temporarily, pass on my anger to her to shoulder and I was able to feel the intense grief, sadness, helplessness and sorrow that had all been lying underneath the surface.
Movements happen because people get angry. But perhaps its not so much the mass of anger that is creating the movement, but the shared anger. When anger is shared or offloaded, those who feel like they are holding it all together for the others, can release and grieve and return to hold the anger again. It allows us all to be more fully human and when we can be more human, we can create sustainable change.