I went on a big tour my spring break in senior year of high school to finalize on a college to attend. I found one I loved but coming home and making that final decision was hard.

The school was amazing but also overwhelming. Everyone seemed so much more sophisticated, more wealthy, and more together than my small town 17 year old self. I was terrified that I wouldn’t belong and not make any friends. I shared that thought with my cousin who is 12 years older than me.

She told me that all that mattered was that I liked the school because I would find my people. Her exact words were probably more in line with I will find friends but “my people” is so much more than friends.

And she was right – I did find my people in that college including my husband and some of my best friends.

I have felt similar fears in other transitions – moving to Boston, changing jobs, moving to the suburbs, and joining various programs. There is always this feeling – like a little meerkat that is on its hind legs peering around looking for the “people who are like me!”

And I am always reminded, they are there. Perhaps they have always been there and they are what make the choice “feel” like the right one or perhaps they appear because I made that choice. I’ll likely never know but I am rest assured that I will always find “my people” wherever I go.

How do we live in a world where opposing truths are valid in their own microcosms but come to head in a bigger community?

Perhaps not a popular opinion (though I’m not sure) but reality is relative and there is often truth to both sides.

Resolutions will not come from coercion or beating the belief out of someone. They will come from conversations, relationships and empathy from all parties. And it will come from each side seeing the truth in each other.

I’ve been asking myself lately – what if I’m wrong? What if I am totally bananas in the wrong and completely off the mark?

What if motherhood doesn’t need reclaiming?

What if my idea of whole health is false?

What if trauma isn’t the source of so many of our decisions?

What if racism is completely made up?

What if X was actually a good president?

It has been quite powerful.

Because exploring even the remote possibility of my being wrong means someone on the “opposing” side is right. This can be triggering because no one wants to be wrong.

After I breathe through that fear of being wrong, this question imposes deep empathy and understanding. Many times, I do see what is right on the other side, especially if I focus it on a person and their life circumstances, point of view and knowledge. (This includes biases based on the patriarchy and white supremacy as well.)

This question also makes me substantiate my side and almost every time, I come back to yes, they are right in their stance but I am also right in mine. This is not an angry or defensive “yes, but my view is better one!”; but instead, it is an understanding of the other person and a “but in my body, I know this is the right stance for me.”

Questioning ourselves (aka poking holes in our positioning/narrative) doesn’t have to be a process that tears us down. It can be a way of better understanding where our truths and boundaries lie.

May we always remember that we can get further together than we can ever get to alone.

Community is, more often than not, where the answers lie.

We were never meant to mother alone.

We were never meant to figure “it” out alone.

We were never meant to exist in silos or nuclear families or in fenced in yards.

We must stop carrying on as if all of those things are normal.

We must strip away the false ideals of independence, self-sufficiency and keeping up with the Jones’.

We must come together