Lisa for Real

Ending Martyrdom

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matyrdom“I’m a mother! I don’t have time for that!”

Have you ever caught yourself saying those words? Maybe to your friends? Your husband? Or even yourself?

I did just that this week, and it was a huge wake up call.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have felt very unfocused and tired.

I have been working on a couple of side projects while balancing work and life with an increasingly clever and active toddler. My goals in all areas have been building up on my to-do list and I cannot scratch them off soon enough.

In a Facebook business group that I’m a part of, someone posted “Where are you feeling like you need the most help and/or guidance in your business right now?” (I love being part of Facebook groups to get support!)

I replied, “Staying focused. I’m feeling overwhelm from how much I need to do and burnout from working full time and side hustling.”

Another member responded and asked me what I am doing in terms of self care. Her exact words were, “What is your self care practice?”

I let out a BIG scoff.

My immediate response was, “Self care practice? I’m a mom trying to start a business. I don’t have time for self care!”

I stopped in my tracks and thought, “Yikes! That is my problem!”

My busy-ness has crowded out what should be a top priority – my self care.

I have completely ignored my self care in the name of progress, and ironically, it is my lack of self care that is holding me back from progressing in my work.

My meditation practice is non-existent at this point and going to yoga feels like visiting a foreign land. I find myself going to bed at 1:00 AM or 2:00 AM. And even when I get into bed, I play a couple of rounds of Candy Crush before shutting my phone down because I need to “unwind” before bed. Oh the shame in admitting that!

That Facebook post was my wake up call.

I have a false belief that suffering must be part of my journey to greatness.

Logically, I know better but a deep part of me sees it as a requirement to “make it.” This is definitely one of my biggest forms of self sabotage, and since becoming a mother, it seems to have magnified. Can you relate to that?

Mothers and entrepreneurs are suckers for martyrdom. As I straddle both worlds, I have definitely doubled down on the “woe is me” attitude. But I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

I need a plan to combat that attitude.

First things first, I need to return to meditating. I have let my need for busy-ness take over and not meditating has amplified the busy thoughts in my mind. The goal is 10 minutes daily, and I have a friend I’m checking in with to hold me accountable.

Second, I need to stop wearing “busy” as a badge of honor. Busy is a choice and a poor excuse. I need to stop being too “busy” to meditate, go to yoga, sleep, read a romance novel, spend time with my husband, and buy new clothes. These are all things that I have de-prioritized in the name of progress. One way to remove that badge is to remove “busy” from my vocabulary. I have actually heard my daughter use it several times to pre-empt my saying it, and it feels like nails on a chalkboard. I need to be a better model for my daughter.

Lastly, I need to re-frame how I think about time. I am and will always be an impatient person. When I start a project, I want it to have already come to fruition and to meet my goals so I can move to the next thing. However, time is the ultimate equalizer. We all have 24 hours in a day, and as much as I want to manipulate time to my advantage, I can’t add any more hours to my days. I need to work within the confines of 24 hours and 7 hours of that being for sleep. Also, my projects deserve all of the time they need to be created. I need to take the approach of slow and steady wins the race and any other way leads to burnout.

On my third Mother’s Day, I pledge to release my martyrdom.

I want to enjoy my motherhood and I want to enjoy my journey into entrepreneurship. It does not serve me or any other women out there to justify suffering as a requirement to achieve our goals and it does not serve our children either. Will you join me in unlatching and releasing those shackles and truly embracing the journey?

Inspiration: This post’s inspiration came from a very uninspired week. I had been feeling a bit of blah (apparently, there is a lot going on astrologically) and this conversation on Facebook really made me come to my senses. Letting go of my beliefs around suffering, busy-ness, and time will be a many year journey but I feel with these three things, I’m on the right path.

Why I Am No Longer An Entrepreneur

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Impostor EntrepreneurFor the past 8 years, I have been obsessed with being an “entrepreneur.”

After graduating from the top school in the country for entrepreneurship where it seemed every other student was changing the world with their innovations, it was ingrained in me to create a business and be one of those successful graduates on the cover of the alumni magazine. I have started multiple businesses that have gone flat. I have taken courses costing thousands of dollars giving me knowledge, systems and frameworks that have not yielded an adequate ROI (return on investment). I have spent countless nights pecking away on my computer writing newsletters, blog posts and emails. All so I could call myself an “entrepreneur.”

I believe strongly in entrepreneurship.

I think everyone should start their own business because that is where we can serve our highest good. I have had many conversations where I try to convince my friends and even strangers to start a venture with their skills or ideas. While I believe a business is empowering, I see now that I was imposing my desires and ambitions onto them.

While my businesses usually start from a place of inspiration, they quickly go from “This is THE idea!” to “Ugh, I don’t feel like writing this newsletter.” I start doing things I don’t want to do but have to do, prescribing to the standard formulas and tips I have heard from top internet marketing experts. I focus on chasing the dream and stop enjoying the process and evolution. This has happened with my health coaching practice, business coaching and networking group, essential oils MLM business and a healthy living blog. All projects that started with gusto and inevitably fell flat within a year or so.

It has been tough telling people I have a business on the side.

The words usually get caught in my throat when I try to explain to people that I have a full time job and something on the side. I have never had an elegant elevator pitch and fumble around looking for the right words when people ask me “What do you do?” I am not that great at compartmentalizing myself. The thing is I am not just a single faceted person – I am made up of a lot of different interests, skills and ambitions. I want to be able to accurately portray who I am when I respond to that question. So I end up trying to describe all that I do and it comes out forced and incongruent.

Every time I have called my projects “businesses,” I have felt like an impostor. With a degree in strategy, I know better. You may own a business by getting a license at City Hall but there is a lot more to it in order to be a real business – mindset, goals, strategy, and some market research to start.

The whole “Fake it until you make it” mantra does not work for me. It feels completely unauthentic and unaligned. The struggle is I want to be an entrepreneur, down to the deepest darkest parts of myself and I know that I will become one. But if I am to wholly own who I am right now and my truths I need to stop identifying myself as one.

Starting right now I am no longer an “entrepreneur.”

I am no longer going to try to fit my square body into that hexagonal hole. I hope to evolve to a hexagon someday but for now, it’s not happening.

I am Lisa Chin, a woman on a journey to be the best version of herself by creating from a place of inspiration. As I was just typing, the overachiever and optimist in me wanted to take it up a notch and say I am on a “mission to realize the best version of myself.” But this “mission” would be right up there with my fake title of “entrepreneur.” I don’t need to adopt another title or goal. For once, I am going to try my damndest to just be.

To be and to create is an idea I can actually own.

I will never stop creating. That is who I am – a creative being that gets smacked upside the head with inspiration almost daily. Where I have gone wrong is taking my inspiration and trying to immediately figure out how to structure it and monetize it which uproots it from a place of inspiration and to aspiration and inevitably dilutes the idea.

I am taking a page from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic, and creating for me. (Read my biggest lesson from Big Magic here.) It will no longer be about my target market or the end consumer. It will not be about the bottom line. And it most certainly will not be about the coveted title of “entrepreneur.”

I am going to start having fun.

I am going to create a nook in cyberland where I can express that energy. I am going to create pieces and writing and programs and whatever that comes to me because I want to. Not because they will make millions of dollars. Not because they will get me out of my day job. Not because they will help my family. And maybe this is blasphemous, but not because they will help people – that includes you, my dear reader. I am creating from a selfish place. For me. From me. About all that I love and find fascinating.

I know I am here on earth to serve a greater purpose and will help a lot of people. And I know one day, when I achieve that, I will be able to own the title of “entrepreneur,” but for now, I am Lisa Chin, a woman on a journey to be the best version of herself by creating from a place of inspiration.

Have you ever gotten wrapped up in achieving a goal or a title and worked so hard to attain it that stopped having fun you lost yourself along the way? I would love to hear about it!

Inspiration: I originally wrote this post on November 2, 2015 as I was examining what has held me back from succeeding at my previous projects. I’m not a dumb person, I’m not without ideas, but I have “failed” so many times. These were the thoughts that came to me as I was exploring why I have not succeeded. I created Lisa for Real shortly after and am working on projects right now that align with me and that I am constantly inspired by.

How to enjoy the process

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inspiration, enjoy the process

Work from a place of constant inspiration not aspiration.

In a phone conversation with one of my dearest friends, this little gem of wisdom came out of my mouth. Let’s just say inspiration hit me good. This conversation was actually during the midst of my reading Big Magic and re-learning how to approach creativity and entrepreneurship so creating from a place of inspiration was top of mind. See my post here on Big Magic.

My friend and I were having a deep chat about creating our own businesses, a favorite topic of ours. Neither of us has hit on THE  jackpot idea yet but we know its coming. We constantly remind each other that the journey is as important as, if not more important than the destination.

I see the destination as the pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow.

It’s the money, fortune, freedom, and maybe even fame. You know what I’m talking about. It’s appearing on Super Soul Sunday, buying a house for my mom, and staying home and homeschooling my child. Oh, is that just me? Well, one can dream big 🙂

But the thing is if pursing the pot is my only objective, I’ve made a grave mistake. I would miss the rainbow! And rainbows are pretty damn beautiful.

I have to admit, I have gotten caught up in thoughts of the future.

When you know deep down that it’s going to happen, it is hard to ignore it. However, the failures, abandoned ideas and fruitless efforts of the past ten years weigh on me. You see, I was focusing too much on all I can do once I reach the pot, I ignored the process. It ended up placing an enormous amount of pressure on my projects and I would become overwhelmed and freeze.

In the past year, I’ve completely changed my perspective.

Instead, the goal I am now embracing is to work from a place of inspiration, digging deep and pushing out the work that my soul is called to do and calling me to do. That means that what I do now excites me, it’s fun and makes me think deep both entrepreneurially and personally.

Working from a place of inspiration means to think, create, and become from within. This does not mean that I don’t look outside of myself for inspiration. In fact, that is where inspiration comes from for me but it is how I interpret that inspiration that makes my work my own. Working from a place of aspiration is to seek satisfaction from the work outside of myself. There is only one thing I can control and I’ll give you a hint of what that is – it’s not how much I make in 10 years, how many lives I impact, and how many comfy sweaters I have in my closet. It working from inspiration and enjoying the process along the way.

I realize now that it is the work I do along the way to my goals that creates the rainbow and moments of inspiration that color the rainbow a vibrant ROYGBIV.  I’m going to reach the pot one day so why not make the biggest, most beautiful rainbow on my way there?

Have you found yourself working from a place of inspiration or aspiration? I’d love to hear what perspective has worked for you.

Reclaiming Pink

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Embracing PinkIf you told me last year that I would have a personal blog, one that is all about ME, with a lot of pink on it, much less a logo with pink, I would scoff. Not a polite, hidden-under-my-hand, pretend-sneeze kind of scoff but an emphatic one, bordering on a grunt, and definitely followed with a “ha” in disbelief.

Pink and I were never friends.

I grew up a tomboy, keeping pace with my brother and 3 boy cousins as we played wiffleball in my backyard and touch football in the front. I was as tough as they come (or so I thought) and Pink was way too girly for me.

I always saw Pink as frou-frou, frilly and frankly, weak. I was above Pink; she was not going to define me or my child. When I was creating the baby registry for my daughter, I chose as many green, yellow and grey items as possible. I gave my mother-in-law a hard time for getting my daughter a pink poofy dress, and unapologetically asked her to return another pink dress that she got my daughter. I look back on those instances embarrassed of myself for many reasons.

My temperament on Pink has changed in the past year. What I have come to realize is that I don’t actually dislike Pink, the color, I hate the commercialization of Pink and what companies have made it out to be.

Let’s face it, Pink has been whored out.

Sweet, innocent, beautiful Pink. Corporations have used and abused her for their own gain. So that they could claim more market share, take advantage of female buying power, and make it easier for men to get women gifts. Fun fact: women drive 70-80% of all consumer spend!

Those companies think that by wrapping their products in pretty pink bows, tiaras and sparkles, they can be made more appealing to the feminine spirit. Or even worse, make the buyer think that they are supporting a cause for women. I’m looking at you Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Let's face it, Pink has been whored out. Click To Tweet

 

Corporate use of Pink leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Deceiving consumers. Pigeonholing and stereotyping women. Making little girls look outside of themselves to fit in. I love the business world but damn its capitalistic ways that bastardized Pink!

In reality, Pink is the all unifying color.

Every person, Black, White, Asian, Latina, young, old, healthy and sick, is Pink. Give each one of us a paper cut and you will see the real Pink that is our flesh. We have come to forget this and think Pink lives outside of ourselves.

Pink is within. It is our strength, our tenderness, and our humanity.

I want to tell little girls, embrace Pink but embrace the Pink within yourselves, not the shades that adorn dolls and plastic toys. Don’t let a color, any color, define who you are. Don’t fall prey to think that embracing Pink instantly makes you more girly.

Pink is defined by the person wearing it, using it, even coloring with it – not the company that puts it on its products.

Wearing pink is a form of self-expression and if you want to wear it, do it in your own style. And if you are feeling pink one day and hunter green the next, it’s a-okay.

Let’s empower our little girls to embrace Pink the right way.

Tell them and help them to get in touch with their inner self and to look inside to understand what true beauty is and to understand the power that Pink represents, the tremendous power that they possess.

On my motherhood journey, one of the most surprising outcomes is my reclaiming Pink. Having my daughter, I know better. I have seen that it is natural for us to choose Pink, just as it is natural to choose blue or red or brown. Pink is a pretty sassy color but can also be soft and feminine. Why wouldn’t we want to wear it?

I do not want to be the one defining whether or not my daughter is girly enough to wear Pink. I want to teach her that wearing Pink and being a girl are two different things.

How about you? Growing up, did you have a public aversion to Pink but privately loved it? Always hated it? Or have you always been a Pink kinda girl?

Pink isn't just for girly girls. Here's why I'm reclaiming pink. Click To Tweet

What are your creations feeding?

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What does this feed

Over the past six years, I have tried half a dozen unsuccessful business ideas.

I work 9 to 5 and have been desperately trying to do something, anything, to create a business on the side, and it just hasn’t been working for me. Last October, I was getting burnt out from my endless and somewhat, mindless pursuit of entrepreneurship. I felt like nothing was in alignment and questioned why I was trying in the first place.

One of my dear friends suggested I take a sabbatical.

At first the idea was incomprehensible. My time is already so tight, how could I spend precious time away from my projects?! She lovingly convinced me, and I settled on a month. I thought, in the grand scheme of it, taking four weeks off wouldn’t kill me.

Even though I was taking a break, I knew I still needed to do something to fill the time but not something that would cause me more stress. I looked at my bookshelf filled with books that I would read “one day” and decided that one day had come.

Reading was my new post-work agenda.

Serendipitously that week (don’t you love when that happens?), Marie Forleo’s interview of Elizabeth Gilbert came across my Facebook newsfeed. I loved Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love in 2008. It opened up a whole world of spirituality, vulnerable rawness and feminine realness in my life.

The interview titled “What Elizabeth Gilbert Wants You To Know About Big Magic” could not have been more intriguing. I watched the whole forty-seven minutes hanging on every word. After watching the interview and reading the first chapters in Amazon, I knew that I had to read Big Magic during my sabbatical.

The book has been a total game changer in how I now approach my creative projects.

The biggest concept I took away from it was to create for myself and do what I do because I enjoy it, not to help others.

Here’s an excerpt from the book:

“It’s okay if your work is fun for you, is what I’m saying. It’s also okay if your work is healing for you, or fascinating for you, or redemptive for you, or if it’s maybe just a hobby that keeps you from going crazy. It’s even okay if your work is totally frivolous. That’s allowed. It’s all allowed.

Your own reasons to create are reason enough. Merely by pursing what you love, you may inadvertently end up helping us plenty…Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.

The rest of it will take care of itself.”

I felt like I finally had the permission I needed to do whatever the heck I wanted to do.

I had placed too heavy a burden on my ideas to support my and my family’s dreams.  Can you relate?

That pressure was paralyzing me from creating anything sustainable. I was primarily creating for my ego, to make money, and to make a name of myself. I thought I was serving my soul and my passions but I had completely forgotten about them in my pursuit of doing. Doing is busy work that feeds the ego. Creating feeds our soul.

Doing is busy work that feeds the ego. Creating feeds our soul. Click To Tweet

This is how I now approach my projects. They’ve gotta light me up on a soul level, not make me see dollar signs. I no longer place that pressure on my ideas and I have never felt more free.

How have you been approaching your projects? From your ego or your soul?

 

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