Everyone’s experience is valid, no matter who they are.
Even perpetrators deserve empathy and understanding.
Validation to our feelings is an inherent right.
Especially because our role as perpetrator or victim did not start in one instance. Those roles may very well be woven into a fabric of systemic hierarchy.
And when we can validate someone’s experience, we can help them feel seen. We can move past blame or shame.
Perhaps validation is the first step to real change.
The final manifestations of racism and discrimination aren’t always overt, obvious or newsworthy actions. Inequity is considered a systemic issue because it is embedded in our everyday culture through the various actions and inactions of those who hold or held power.
The act of creating and passing rules and laws is one of the ways that systemic issues can exist and persist. Local government and governance holds more power in our everyday lives than those on the national or state level.
Learn who is making decisions locally, support leaders who will fight for the right things and go vote!
This week, a policy passed in my town. An instance of systemic racism and injustice perpetuating under the guise of neutrality but actually based in fear. I felt a whole range of emotions, none of which I had time for because my friends/fellow allies and I had to mobilize. I, as I have in many other instances throughout my life, felt the responsibility to hold it together.
The morning after the policy passed, in a text conversation with another group of friends who learned of the decision, one person said that her blood was boiling over the decision.
The second I saw her message, I broke down into tears, inconsolable for many minutes. These tears were the first I had shed over this issue.
In trying to keep it all together, I did not give myself permission to feel anything other than anger. When I read that text, it felt like I did not have to carry the entire burden of anger anymore. It felt like I was able to, even if temporarily, pass on my anger to her to shoulder and I was able to feel the intense grief, sadness, helplessness and sorrow that had all been lying underneath the surface.
Movements happen because people get angry. But perhaps its not so much the mass of anger that is creating the movement, but the shared anger. When anger is shared or offloaded, those who feel like they are holding it all together for the others, can release and grieve and return to hold the anger again. It allows us all to be more fully human and when we can be more human, we can create sustainable change.
Everyone wants to be on the right side of history.
I have noticed this pattern over the past few years, and it is confirmed time and time again so much so that I have incorporated it as a core truth in my understanding of people.
But like the history taught in classrooms, history is biased, influenced by many factors and not necessarily true. Each person has their own version of history that is true for them and maybe other individuals that have a common background, belief system or goal.
To be on the right side of history means that we are doing something memorable and impactful, something noteworthy in the great timeline of events. To be on the right side of history also means there is conflict because if there is a right side, there is a wrong side.
While this truth has helped me understand my personal journey, it has even more so helped me understand other people and have a lens of empathy and compassion. When I observe someone making a decision that I don’t agree with, I can see it beyond that the person is doing something bad/wrong/hurtful/terrible. Instead, it lets me see their action as a survival mechanism/a principled decision. To note – just because I understand why someone is doing something does not mean that I agree with it or need to tolerate it.
What we do does not occur in a vacuum. Our actions are external manifestations created on a foundation of core beliefs, worldviews and traumas. The better we can understand where other people are coming from, the more impact we can make on our side of history.
In a recent podcast interview, my guest, Jean, and I talked about art and community. She said that art is “uniquely qualified to tell stories,” and the shared experience of watching/hearing/feeling/seeing art of all kinds is unifying versus divisive.
When she said that, I saw art as the Trojan horse in building community. It elevates us above our differences and offers an opportunity to connect on a whole different level. To appreciate a jazz quartet’s playing or a contemporary dance performance or a fine meal with beautiful plating, your heart has to be open. And when your heart is open, you can’t hate or be angry. When your heart is open, it is open not just for the art but also for other people.
How many times (pre-pandemic) have we comment to a stranger after a show or at the exhibit of what we had just experienced?
Community comes from connection. Connection can be facilitated by a shared heart-opening experience. That experience can come from art.