“No” doesn’t mean never. It doesn’t mean maybe. It doesn’t mean I hate you. It doesn’t mean I like you. It doesn’t mean I’m better than you. It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It doesn’t mean I know better than you.

Instead…

“No” means not right now. “No” means no until further notice. It means I’m standing in my own worth. It means I respect you enough to give you a straight answer. It means I respect myself enough to give a straight answer. It means I know what I want. It means I know what I don’t want.

No is not a no to you but a yes to me.

Releasing the consumer-driven sides of us means that there is a release of finding fulfillment in things that others (companies and individuals) create.

Releasing the consumer side of us means releasing our identity in the things that we buy.

Where do we find fulfillment then? What part of our identity is amplified when we release the impulse to consume.

What identity remains with us then?

The opposite of the consumer is the creator.

Mothers, creating life, are inherently creators.

The creators in us amplify ourselves.

But as creators, aren’t we reliant on consumers?

In a capitalistic economy, yes, if we want to make money from our creations.

But what if we create with non-attachment to other’s reaction to our creation? What if we create and nurture the creation, put it on in the world and allow the world to embrace it?

What if only we know how to create the things we create? What if only I was meant to mother this specific piece of writing to the world?

What if the opposite of senseless consumption is mindful creation? Through mindful creation, we can foster more mindful consumption.

Compliments are in short supply.

Why?

Because we grew up thinking that if the demand for compliments is higher than the supply, there is more value to the compliments. In other words, we think compliments mean less if give or receive them too often.

And so, compliments are part of our social currency. We have created a story that compliments are a form of power and that holding back compliments gives us more power, currency and value in our relationships.

What if we offered compliments everyday? How would that shift our relationships? Would it change the power dynamic? Would we eventually see that we are in this together instead of against each other and that there are more than enough compliments to go around?

Releasing our inner artist cannot happen without community.

Community offers eyes to watch the kids and hands to hold the babies while we paint/write/dance/create.

Community reminds us that we are an individual beyond motherhood and tells us what we are doing is important and we are supported.

Community shares our struggles and celebrates our triumphs – encouraging us to keep going.

Community gives inspiration and connectiveness reminding us that what we do is on behalf of the many who are supporting us behind the scenes.

Art infused with and backed by community is how we shift the narrative of mothers only being mothers.

The word “brand” has roots to cattle getting branded on their hide with their number or the ranch’s name. It was a literal marking of who they belonged to.

This idea is a problematic one as we seek to live a life of autonomy and truth.

However, branding is highly integrated into our everyday living. It is hard to walk down the street without seeing a brand on what someone is wearing (even our masks are branded!). Or to walk through someone’s home without getting an idea of that person through the electronics they own or the ceramics they use. A brand has come in our culture to denote some sort of status.

We tell ourselves a story about who we are (or aren’t) due to the brands we buy.

I shop at Pottery Barn Kids and so this means I am a good mom.

It can help us create community.

I bought coffee from the (insert name of local café) and you did too. This means WE are discerning and like artisanal, hand blended coffee and we’d probably also have interesting conversations about ________.

But it can and does create division.

I have an Audi and you have a Kia, this means I am cooler and wealthier than you.

OR

You have Ray Ban sunglasses and I got mine at the local dollar store, this means I am poorer and not as fashionable as you.

And this division is often in the form of I/we am better and you are worse OR I am worse and you all are better but more importantly – it is ALL SUBJECTIVE.

Branding is a bunch of mind games and we can’t always blame it on the company. We, as consumers, sometimes willingly create the beast and then continue to feed it. Take a read through this fascinating article on Rae Dunn’s cult-like following and see how you identify with these suburban housewives.

We are stronger together than divided.

This applies to all kinds of relationships including parenting, friendships, teams at work and community.

Communities have differing views. Each person enters with their own set of experiences and their own lens and beliefs based on those experiences.

When the differences are stark and perhaps dark, it may seem it is easier to not associate and avoid. This weakens the chain of the community.

Absent of emotional or physical abuse and harm, community is worth saving. Finding the common ground, the common beliefs and bringing empathy to the conversation will make us stronger together.

Our passions are not all or nothing.

They come and go as priorities and circumstances shift.

What if we imagine all of the things we love to be in our orbit? Some with stronger pulls, some with weaker.

And as time passes and seasons change, different things will have a stronger pull.

A map can only be drawn by someone who has seen and taken the path.

There is no map for your life.

The mountains you’ve had to climb and the ditches you’ve been stuck in are only yours to draw.

When someone tries to give us a map for our lives, it won’t work. But if they give us guidelines or strategies to climb mountains or climb out of ditches, that’s worth listening to.

Motherers make the world go round.

A motherer is the person who mothers.

Yes, a mother mothers her children and she does the amazing thing that makes the world go round.

But mothers need to be mothered by a mother-er.

Mothering the mother gives her capacity to mother another mother and so on. The world needs more motherers.

Your voice tells it all.

Does the thing you are talking about stress you or strain you Are you excited? Lighting up?

Your voice does not and will not hide what you need to express.

Listen to your voice. You never know what it will tell you.