I am usually a glass half full kinda person. And then there are times that I can get really down – turning to glass half empty seemingly overnight.

It is almost always built up over time due to mounting stress and overwhelm.

There’s a lot of self pity, frustration and sometimes hopelessness. My funk may last a few days or a few weeks.

And when the glass is half empty, it is really hard to change that perspective. I turn inward and wallow. Wallowing feels good and is needed sometimes. But wallowing doesn’t get me out of the funk. Wallowing keeps me wading in the tidepool of listlessness and despair.

Love and compassion are the feelings that get me out of that tidepool. Unfortunately, mustering up love and compassion for myself is really hard when I feel surrounded by half empty glasses.

However, mustering those feelings up for others is not quite as hard.

A few days ago, I did some energy healing for a couple of friends and was enrobed in love and compassion.

Today I feel a touch more hopeful. I’m not completely out of my funk but I’m realizing a small key to walking towards shore.

In conversation with a new colleague, he said that right now is a great opportunity for a personal re-invention, and I would have to agree.

Overnight, in March 2020, we changed how we operate in almost all the ways we live, work, parent, etc. It wasn’t something I could have ever imagined a huge collective of people to successfully do and yet we did.

I think of the many times I have tried to implement a new mindset or habit (e.g., go to the gym, watch less TV, go to bed earlier) and failed horribly. Can you relate? And yet, we changed our behavior in almost every way and maintained it over many months due to COVID.

And that change is absolutely something we can do again for ourselves. However, it seems like some people haven’t missed a beat as things return to “normal,” living their lives exactly as they would have pre-pandemic.

It is a bit disconcerting to witness because the reality is our world and world views have been turned upside down. Getting back to “normal” is like willingly grabbing blinders and putting them back on to settle into the comfort of familiarity and “normalcy.”

It isn’t like we’ve been given a blank slate but it is as cleared as it ever will be. It is as opportune a time to change and adopt new behaviors and beliefs as it ever will be.

What are the things we are bringing forward from our life and learnings during the pandemic? What if the opportunity as things open up is not that we get to return to normal but that we have a chance to create a new normal?

Why does it feel like the realistic and idealistic versions of my life are at odds? Like they are two magnetics defying each other?

I have spent a lot of time and lost a lot of sleep dreaming about what my life could (and will) be. I have asked myself – why can’t the idealistic versions of my life become my reality?

Maybe it is because the word “ideal” is rooted in perfection which is near impossible. Or maybe, more so, it is because we have been told time and again our biggest dreams, our ideals, are unattainable. That we are selfish, aloof, or wasting time by focusing on them.

But as the dreamer I am, I hold my ideals close to me and I work towards them because the world has only changed when the idealistic strive towards our ideals.

How many of us hold onto our pain because we don’t think others have the capacity to hold it?

We think that we are the only ones who can manage, understand and resolve the pain.

Could it be that this is a belief we have carried with us since childhood because we were raised by people who did not have the capacity to hold our pain?

And maybe by offering someone the opportunity to hold, manage and understand our pain, we slowly release this belief?

Either/or binhary thinking is rampant and unfortunately, divisive.

“If you’re not with me, you’re against me.”

But life is lived in 3D. What we see are not flat, black and white images. There is depth and shadows and lots of colors.

Maybe you’re not indecisive. Maybe the choices before you aren’t all that compelling.

If that’s the case, see if you can find out what other options have not been included/counted/considered.

Sometimes, becoming the best version of me (mom/wife/daughter/friend/neighbor/citizen/creator) feels like an insurmountable goal.

Resolving all the trauma, bettering the laundry list of attributes of myself that could use bettering, and uncovering my endless blindspots…it’s A LOT!

And more importantly to note, it is literally impossible. That best version of me is unattainable and perhaps is always meant to be because what would life be like if I ever became that person?

What I have found though is noticing and acknowledging is a very powerful practice and gets me most of the way there to that best version of me.

Noticing those links between childhood and my lacking behavior today.

Noticing the ways I succeed and the ways I fail.

Noticing that shadowy thought that popped up when my friend said something.

Yup, noticing and acknowledging gets us most of the way there. Noticing shines a light into those less illuminated moments or thoughts. And a lot of times, the light is really enough.

Above all, I have to notice and acknowledge who I am today and who I am today is the best version of me that I am going get right now. And that is simply all I can do.

You can stop searching.

The thing is, you have always known who you are.

Who you are isn’t a job title or a name or a gender or what car you drive or (and especially not) what your parents or anyone else thinks of you.

While you may not be able to verbalize it, you have always acted in truth of who you are.

Knowing who you are is not an intellectual activity, it a trusting one.

What if your beliefs are really fears you have accumulated over a lifetime?

And what if your fears are ultimately a fear of your potential?

What would you believe then?

How many opportunities come by, wave, tap us on the shoulder, maybe even smack us upside the head, and we miss them?

How do we know when it is the right time to do something? Should we be waiting for signs? Should we jump at every possibility? Do we blindly dive in?

What if we are not ready? How does one get ready for something they aren’t sure of? How does one know when they are ready?

Do we miss opportunities while getting ready?

It feels a little bit like a dog so busy chasing its own tail it misses the treasure trove of bones 10 feet over.