I went to Barnes and Noble for the first time in a long while with my older kiddos.

I walked over to the self-help section which is now split into Personal Growth and Self Transformation (if I’m recalling correctly).

As I lovingly took in the many books on the shelves, I told my kids, “Mommy is going to have a book in this section one day.”

My oldest said, “Okay, Mommy.” As in, “Sure, Mommy. I don’t think so.” There might have even been an eye roll in there.

I’m not sure what I was expecting her to say.

In the end, it doesn’t matter.

This is my dream, not hers. It is not any of my children’s responsibility or role to believe in my dreams, certainly not believe in them more than I believe in them.

My dreams are my responsibility, and it is my role to show my kids that we are the ones who make our dreams come true.

We can say something is important (and really believe it) but then we do not make decisions that reflect that belief or value.

That misalignment between what we say and what we do is a tale as old as time.

It is a prime example of what we think and what we be at odds with one another. Our logical, conscious brain is saying X and our subconscious is saying X is actually not important because of some ingrained beliefs that totally go against them. And because our subconscious makes up 95% of our thoughts and actions, our conscious side doesn’t stand a chance.

For instance, I can say I want to spend more quality time with my partner and kids. And then all of a sudden, I opt to do other things, like making dinner or working extra or taking longer at the supermarket than planned, that take me away from them. While we can reason and say we genuinely need to do those things or that we can’t control how long the cashier is taking, the driver of those decisions is a part of us that does not speak to reason. The driver of those decisions is the parts of us that grew up seeing work being the priority or feeling like family time was the worst time because that’s when a parent would yell at us.

It is hard to get called out on the misalignment because we don’t want to be wrong. However, if we are to live the life we are proud of and excited for, we have to come into alignment.

Addressing the subconscious is our biggest work if we want to be happy, healthy and at peace with ourselves.

(If you’re ready to address your subconscious, send me a note to see if working together makes sense.)

My coach said to me today that being inspired and lit up is a feminine energy and the doing and carrying out that inspiration is masculine energy.

I’d never heard of it delineated in that way, and it makes so much sense.

That means that in order to get to the point of being inspired, we must first be in the feminine – in flow, ease and peace. If we are caught up in the doing-doing-doing, then we are not giving space for inspiration.

If it feels like life/your relationship/business is lacking inspiration, perhaps take a break from the doing and make some space for inspiration to land.

What makes up a fabric of a neighborhood?

I grew up in the same neighborhood all my youth and pretty much everyone who lived in the other houses stayed there until well after I left for college and some are still there. 

I have always thought of neighborhoods as unchanging. When my family moved into our current house, it was going to be forever – mostly because I hate packing and moving. I was so excited to be in the absolute best neighborhood and would imagine my kids growing up with the other kids around us.

But just because I don’t plan on moving doesn’t mean that my neighbors thought the same.

Neighborhoods change. And when a thread is pulled from a fabric, it feels like it is unraveling, like the integrity of the piece is lost. 

A mourning happens. 

However, it’s not like the thread is tossed to the wind and goes away. That thread joins another piece of fabric, another community ready to integrate it and another piece of thread will join the original’s place. 

Neighborhoods inevitably change, some more quickly and some more slowly. But just because there is change does not mean the integrity of the neighborhood is lost.

As I learned from a neighbor and friend that they are moving, I was at a lost for words as I took in the news and felt a whole lot of conflicting emotions. Perhaps I was feeling the shock that comes from a new piece of information that unexpectedly shifts the status quo – like news of a pregnancy, a layoff or a death.

I realize that I have been carrying pre-conceived notions and an expectation that life around me will pretty much stay the same. Of course, kids will grow up and changes will happen, but they felt predictable. My neighbors’ moving is a good reminder that I have no control over my external environment, and while things will change, I trust a new piece of thread will come.

You’ve got to fill your cup.

I don’t quite identify with the oxygen mask analogy around motherhood (I just so happened to have written about it a year ago) because I am fairly certain in an instance where I had a choice, I would try to put all of my kids’ masks on before my own via pure instinct.

The oxygen mask analogy is around a life and death scenario but the plane is not going down in everyday life (though it feels like that sometimes).

What we can do and should do instead is fill our cup up so we can pour into our children’s. That doesn’t mean we fill our cup to the very brim (which in fact makes pouring a thousand times harder) but we fill it with enough to share and still have some in reserve.

The things that fill my cup are uninterrupted, insightful and connective adult 1×1 conversations. I’ve found breakfast or lunch to be a great time to sneak in these moments.

After sharing meals with two friends today, my cup was comfortably and gratefully filled. I came home to kids who voluntarily cleaned up their books and clothes on the floor of the bedroom and bedtime went more smoothly than it has in a week. I know my energy played a role in this and I’m so glad that I filled my cup today.

Take time to identify what fills your cup and then think of some creative solutions to integrate those into your life. Or maybe your cup has been so neglected that there are some very obvious solutions as well. Let me know what they are and how you plan to add those to your life!