Being a procrastinator is one of those parts of who I am that I appreciate (this girl works well under a deadline) and also one that I could do without (why do I always have to wait until last minute?!). I could do almost everything in the moment I think about it, but instead, I wait and wait and wait and make things harder for myself.

This goes down to something as silly as brushing my teeth. I floss and brush my teeth 99.9999999% of my nights before bed. But many nights, I wait until late to do so. When I wait until late, I do it begrudgingly, when normally I actually don’t mind the process at all.

Tonight, as I am writing this, I brushed my teeth early and it feels so good to have knocked that off of my list. As sleepy thoughts take over, I can roll into bed and conk out.

We don’t have to make things harder for ourselves. Finding smaller moments like tonight with brushing my teeth earlier allows me to practice and know it is okay for things to go smoothly and easily. I don’t have to make it hard to make it worthwhile.

Above all, we want to be seen and validated. Many of us were not fully (or sometimes never) seen and validated growing up – this can be on a familial level or on systemic, societal and cultural levels. To be seen by others is crucial at all ages and stages of our lives in order to develop a sense of self.

Before there were mirrors, there were people in our communities who reflected back to us who and what they saw. To be mirrored gives a realness and a boundary to our experience. Without mirrors, we constantly seek that definition of who we are.

When we are seen and validated, it brings a sense of ease within ourselves, and through that ease, we build capacity for empathy and for doing tough things. The more people who are seen and validated, the better chance this world has to be saved.

“I cannot remember the books I’ve read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently came across this quote at a bookstore, and it took my breath away. I’ve long felt this way about books but never knew how to articulate it.

And this quote applies to so much of our lives.

Our memories are poor records of our actual experiences. In addition to books and meals, all of the conversations, performances, art, problems and so on that I have experienced in my life have shaped me though I can recall only a fraction of them.

Neuroscientists can speak better about memory and the inner workings of the brain. The way I see it, our memories were never meant to all be recallable because where would the mystery of life be? I feel like our creativity would be stunted if our brains were consumed with all of our memories. The wonder of life lies in the energy between memories.

If we never received a certain expression of love growing up, it can be hard to express that as an adult. We may not find value in it nor we may see it as unfamiliar and not something we want to do

Growing up, I never had “one-on-one” time with my parents. It was always my brother and I together with my parents, and that togetherness created a bond I treasure.

As a mother, I had my first “one-on-one” experience (since having all three) with one of my kids today. I was very hesitant to do so. It felt very uncomfortable and so many parts of me wanted to bail. I only really went through with it because a friend accompanied me with their child.

And it was really wonderful. My kid was so happy throughout the day (minus an incident concerning cotton candy), and they went to bed content.

Today is another reminder to me that it is safe and worthwhile to create experiences that are different than the ones I lived through as a child. I can expand beyond how I was parented.

Sometimes I feel like it’d be easier to start from scratch.

Like my desk. Instead of cleaning it and organizing it, what if I just took everything off, tossed it in a box and anything I don’t miss in a week is gone forever? That’s the tact I’ve taken with the playroom. Is that method a valid way to treat my desk? Is starting from scratch the easy way out? Or is it the smart way?

Sometimes, one my of family members gets so upset that they say something like – “Just forget the whole thing.” When they get to that point, I let out a sigh because it means that their mindset has gone into full napalm mode, completely annihilistic. And I often tell them that it is counterproductive to throw our hands in the air and just forget it. (My statement is also often counterproductive.)

So back to my desk…are there times when it makes a whole ton of sense to just discard everything and start from scratch? But why is my desk this way? If I don’t address the core behavior that is leading to my desk become a huge mess, does it matter how I get rid of it?

It seems like this is a case of both/and.

Starting from scratch isn’t necessarily a bad thing and in fact, may be a totally relieving way of decluttering a desk (or the subject of your choosing). However, the action must be coupled with addressing the underlying behavior and mindset in order to not create a pattern of continually starting from scratch.