Part of my motherhood journey is relearning love. Somehow, interweaved into the experience of being human is the ability to love conditionally – and yes, I consider it an ability (albeit an undesirable one) as no other animals can behave such a way. And in this journey, I am mothering myself and unlearning and unweaving the idea that love is conditional.
I have read several texts, particularly those of Wayne Dyer, that say we are unconditional love because we come from Source (or God/the Universe/Spirit/take your pick of names), and Source is unconditional love. The very fact that we are alive means that we have come from this source out there (or in here) of a boundless, no-strings-attached kind of love.
Having birthed three humans is as close to feeling that intense god-like love as I think I’ll ever know. And parenting three humans has brought me moments where I feel as disconnected from that love as I think I’ll ever know.
The huamn-ness in me being triggered by the human-ness in my kids has challenged my connection to unconditional love and to Source.
As the parts of me are angered, saddened, frustrated and hopeless while parenting, I am asking myself – how do I survive this? It feels impossible sometimes.
Perhaps the answer lies in connecting the Source within me to the Source within my children. I don’t think that, in a single moment, I can be simultaneously connected to that unconditional love while also connected to that triggering humann-ness. This is not denying the human-ness in my children but seeing beyond that in them as well as myself.