Lisa for Real

197. Unweaving conditional love

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Part of my motherhood journey is relearning love. Somehow, interweaved into the experience of being human is the ability to love conditionally – and yes, I consider it an ability (albeit an undesirable one) as no other animals can behave such a way. And in this journey, I am mothering myself and unlearning and unweaving the idea that love is conditional.

I have read several texts, particularly those of Wayne Dyer, that say we are unconditional love because we come from Source (or God/the Universe/Spirit/take your pick of names), and Source is unconditional love. The very fact that we are alive means that we have come from this source out there (or in here) of a boundless, no-strings-attached kind of love.

Having birthed three humans is as close to feeling that intense god-like love as I think I’ll ever know. And parenting three humans has brought me moments where I feel as disconnected from that love as I think I’ll ever know.

The huamn-ness in me being triggered by the human-ness in my kids has challenged my connection to unconditional love and to Source.

As the parts of me are angered, saddened, frustrated and hopeless while parenting, I am asking myself – how do I survive this? It feels impossible sometimes.

Perhaps the answer lies in connecting the Source within me to the Source within my children. I don’t think that, in a single moment, I can be simultaneously connected to that unconditional love while also connected to that triggering humann-ness. This is not denying the human-ness in my children but seeing beyond that in them as well as myself.

196. Less of more and more of less

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Try these on for size –

Whatever it is that you pride yourself in not needing, find, summon, or create more of it in your life. For me, this is sleep as well as emotional and physical support from others.

Whatever it is that you pride yourself in being able to do a lot of, cut back and see how you truly feel (vs. your ego). For me, this is hours working and even simply being awake.

What are your less and more?

195. Synchronicities and Boundaries

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I love when synchronicities occur in my life. I take them as signs for things I really need to pay attention to.

This happens often for me through information via reading books or articles, listening to interviews or podcasts and conversing with friends or other wise people who I was meant to cross paths with at that exact moment.

My latest synchronicity is the word “boundaries.” And by magic of the Universe, this blog will likely be a synchronicity for someone reading it (so cool!).

I am still digging into this topic for myself and will write more later, but I want to share an interview that a friend passed along to me between Marie Forleo and Terri Cole, psychotherapist and author of Boundary Boss. I am grateful for this conversation that gave me some eureka moments and lessons I can apply to my relationships, work and being a mom.

Happy synchronicities and boundary setting!

194. Bowling a strike

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In order to bowl a strike, the focus should not be on knocking all ten pins down. Instead, it is about form, movement and precision leading to hitting a particular point of the cluster of ten.

Receiving this message today in a conversation, I am realizing that I am misplacing my focus and need to return to myself and how I approach the bowl and not so much on all the pins I need to knock down.

(Note: I am not a bowling expert. This is not official bowling advice)

193. My right to ask

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Asking for what I want is hard to do. I think that I must have possessed the skill at one point because I witness three little bodies asking me for what they want ALL.DAY.LONG and then subsequently getting mad and upset if they don’t get what they want.

This is one of my biggest triggers as a mother. I see their asking and anger as signs of unearned entitlement and unjustified righteousness.

Growing up, I had very little and that was that. I don’t know if I ever asked for what I wanted because there was never a lot of money. I remember wanting to go on a trip to Europe with my friends in high school but I didn’t even think to ask my mom – partially because I knew (assumed) she was going to say no and partially because I didn’t feel like it was right for me to ask for so much money all for myself.

And I know that this is something that I absorbed back in the womb. When my mother was pregnant with me, she was afraid to ask for even an extra egg to eat not only because of limited resources but because of power dynamics within the family.

And so here I am, trying to re-learn this skill, re-tracing my steps back to a time when my gait was half skip/half walk and my sense of righteousness and entitlement were strong because asking for what I want is indeed a right.