In examining power, I can’t ignore what I see as the ultimate power. It goes by many names – God, Goddess, Source, the Universe, Spirit, Mother Earth and so on.

It is debated whether or not this entity actually exists or if it’s a human-made concept. I’m no theologian and only have my own experience to work off of. I go back and forth on it myself, and yet, am reaffirmed that whatever you want to call it (I use the words the Universe) does exist when synchronicities, miracles and anomalies of events happen.

Some could say that those instances are purely instances chance based on some sort of statistical metric. There can be a lot of brain power to go into whether or not something that happens is actually an “act of god” or we can let go of the attachment to understand and simply trust.

Using our intelligence, logic and control appear to be these really powerful forces in our world. However, the opposites – unattachment, allowing and trusting – are actually more so because when we do that, we partner with this entity, this power, larger than ourselves.

Today, I scheduled an online co-working session so I could get something done that I was going to procrastinate on. At exactly the time of my session, my internet went out. I missed the start of the session and had to schedule a new one for 15 minutes later. I ended up making a great connection with the person in the second session.

When that first session didn’t happen, I did not get angry. I let it go and moved onto what I could do which was schedule a new one at the next available time slot. It pains me when we constantly see unattachment and not responding with anger or fear or instant action as weak. In a society of constant motion for the sake of motion and reaction for the sake of reaction, we could stand to be in the power of trust and unattachment more.

Birth is not only an initiation into a new stage of life and a new identity for the baby but also for the mother. It can set us on the right or wrong foot to start this journey. I’ve experienced both and I know if my first birthing experience was negative, my life’s trajectory would have changed.

My birthing experience with my oldest was empowering, for lack of a better word. I was able to advocate for myself throughout the labor, had the support of my husband and the delivery team and had a vaginal breech delivery, which is unfortunately harder and harder to come by these days. I entered motherhood with about a dozen or so guests in the room – doctors, nurses and students – who came to witness a breech vaginal birth.

However you birth a child, you deserve to enter motherhood with a sense of wonder and awe with yourself. If we were to really sit down and examine childbirth, our minds would be blown! The cervix is only that big?! The pain is how bad?! The needle goes into the spine?! The amount of power and inner strength that it takes to create and birth a human in every scenario is undeniably super human.

I love working with clients around birth and time in the womb. The power represented during those times is palpable. If there are any, the ruptures call for repair and reconciliation so that we can feel more whole.

My worldview reshaped itself when I had my kids and each one colored it a little differently. It is from observing them and being their mother that I have come to understand humans at their most whole level. 

Babies come into this world with such inner strength and knowing. They come full of power and presence. And slowly the world strips that away from them.

As we grow into adults, we get conditioned out of our power.

Funny enough, a huge reason for this is out of love and care. Our caring guardians wanted to keep us safe from the very real dangers of this world. So they had to power over us, protect us by instilling behavior and fears that kept us momentarily safe.

Another reason we get conditioned out of our power is by adults in our lives who could only act on their own fears and experiences. They knew no other way but to treat us in a way that took away our power. 

And lastly, I couldn’t talk about taking away power without mentioning the social and cultural systems that we live in which were created to keep certain people in power and others under their power or out of power. Redlining (discriminatory lending practices that involved the government, financial firms and real estate companies to create “good” and “bad” neighborhoods) is an example of a systemic practice that disempowered people. While it is illegal now, the reverberations of it are felt in the Black community everyday.

Our cultural construct of power leaves a lot to be desired. It distorts power to be things we have whether that be money, position, skin color, gender, etc. This creates distinct division to the have’s and the have not’s.

That is such a superficial form of power!

To be in power and to have power because of those external factors does not mean that someone is empowered.

When I think of power, it is about empowerment which comes from the inside out, not the outside in.

When power comes from the outside, it actually takes away internal power. When society gives a person power through its systems and social construct, they have less reason to be empowered. Instead, they can work with the system and leverage the characteristics that are aligned with what is “normal” or “superior” instead of summoning their grit, determination and resilience.

When power is not given to someone aka marginalized people (women, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, people with disabilities, etc.), they can certainly try to hone in on characteristics that are tangential to that external power. However, that only upholds those systems and more importantly, erases crucial parts of our identity. Instead, we need to find the power within ourselves in order to resist the systems of oppression and ultimately, create a new norm. 

The parts of us that don’t align with the status quo are actually our sources of power.

The only way to change what is considered “power” in our culture is to empower ourselves first. Empowerment is what will overthrow “power.”

This is why I am so passionate about empowering people to see their inner strength and knowing. Understanding who we are is one of the first steps to creating change in the world.

I am over the moon to share with you Embrace Your Power – my next in person workshop created especially for changemakers, community leaders and impact driven business owners. We will redefine power for ourselves and align with our inner power. It is part workshop, part revolution! Learn more here.

My household is at the end of five weeks of intense travel and schedule disruption along with illness. As someone who prides herself on being able to function with little sleep, I’ve really been tested the past couple of weeks. And really, there is no shame in being human.

So often mothers are expected to be super human. The amount of pressure that is placed on us is not realistic. Others will say that we are strong and powerful. However, having to be “powerful” in order to survive a culture that doesn’t value any of the other ways we are powerful is lip service at its finest.

A simple search gives a fairly innocuous and neutral definition for power – “the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.”

And I ask myself, what has power over me?

What directs or influences my behavior and the course of my daily life?

First and foremost is my family. A close second are my purpose and values.

Having kids certainly had me release a lot of control over my life and re-prioritize my decisions.

In our very “independence” focused society, control and autonomy are very much equivalent to personal power and it can feel crippling to lose control of our lives and be tied to a living being(s) that rely on us 24/7/365 to survive.

That lost of control can debilitate us or it can strengthen us.

There is a huge power that comes from letting go. Like nothing else, having kids caused me to release my sense of obligation and responsibility to others’ expectations, feelings and dreams if they came at the cost of my time and relationship with my family.

When it feels like power has been lost, all we’ve got to do is shift our perspective and we are able to see how that lost can actually be a huge gain.