Our journeys are more alike than they are different. In fact, generations before us have lived similar journeys, faced similar challenges and celebrated similar achievements. And generations after us will do the same.

The idea that we and our journeys are special and unique may actually hurt us more than it helps us.

Yes, self identity and expression are so crucial for our happiness.

But community, relating to other humans and being in the presence of others fill our souls in ways that we can’t achieve alone.

We need both – to know and be ourselves in community.

In “sisterhood,” “brotherhood,” and “neighborhood,” the suffix “-hood” denotes the ‘state of being’ while somewhere along the way adopting the connotation of being in that state together and uplifting one another.

That hasn’t been the case for modern motherhood where many mothers forge ahead alone. Mothers are fed a narrative that asking for and receiving help are signs of weakness, that our problems are too unique for anyone to help, and that the culture of blame and shame among mothers is normal and acceptable.

But, what if we, in this moment, are able to redefine motherhood for ourselves? How can we bring the “-hood” back into motherhood?

Manufacturing enables us to mass produce to spec – exact and precise measures that indicate whether a process is accurate.

To create millions of widgets, economies of scale and standardization are practiced. Even schooling follows a similar model. Things meeting spec means that they are “perfect” – in comparison to a prototype.

When you are raised with these principles, it is hard to shake off. The Kool-Aid runs deep through the veins.

Then motherhood comes along and challenges the principles of modern industrialization.

There is no “meeting spec” for our children. There are no standard operating procedures for mothering. There is no “perfect” mother.

“Keeping up with the Joneses” is an American phrase for a global issue, a mindset that keeps us small, petty and distracted.

It is comparison analysis paralysis. It is one upping a neighbor instead of partnering with them. It causes us to adopt external standards for our family and our personal worth.

Media and companies with fancy marketing bombard us with messages to do or buy the things to be like all the other people who have done or bought the things.

There is literally a show called “Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

Signing the opt-out form to that rat race is a conscious choice, but when the pool you swim in is filled with everyone trying to keep up, it is easy to be pulled into the group think mentality, blindly follow and perpetuate that mindset.

However, opting out is not a cop out. It is a declaration of life on your own terms.

Life is not simply black or white, lucky or fated, stressful or carefree. It is all the shades in between.

True healing cannot happen until we can simultaneously hold opposing truths. The power in the space in between is like the magnetic power between two opposite poles – nonexistent when only one side is held and undeniable when the two are brought together.

When we are able to hold opposites, we sit in a space of tension, practicing and experiencing the complexity that life is. Seeing the good and bad and in between enables us to see our full story.