Yesterday, I set the recording for the Pro Bowl and thought I had extended it by 30 minutes after the scheduled end time just in case it took longer. When the kids learned that the last five minutes were missing, I immediately blamed myself, against the backdrop of crying and tears, for not setting the recording for longer or maybe setting it incorrectly.
I was the closest one to the task so therefore, I was at fault. Like when a vase gets knocked over and you look to see who is closest to the shards of glass.
It had me thinking and wondering about a mother’s role and if a mother’s stress is not only due to doing too much (which in itself is already inherently stressful) but also to being the person whose fingers are pointed when things don’t go well. If we are the person responsible for the task, we are the person closest to it and naturally our brains will point their imaginary fingers at ourselves.
For how long does this happen? I imagine when children gain some sense of autonomy, responsibility, and understanding of the world (and technology) the stress would be relieve to an extent. Even more crucial is letting go of the belief that just because something we were tasked with it went wrong, it is our fault. With solo parenting, working, and managing multiple children, my plate was overflowing this week. My superpowers did not extend to correctly choosing and setting the time for the recording and that is okay.
