Based on what we know of someone, we project out the things they would or would not do. Surely, we’ve all said things like “Janet would never go bungee jumping” or “You can always count on Deb to say yes to a concert.”

We make assumptions based on what we know, and when those people do as we assume they will, our opinion of them does not change. When they break out of their patterning, that is when our assumptions and opinion of the person changes.

If Deb says no to our first ask of a folk concert, we may say “Deb says yes to every concert – except folk ones.” We shift our understanding of that person.

When we make assumptions, we also make value judgements. At first, we may think Deb is open to all kinds of music – i.e., she is very open-minded. When she turns down that invite to the folk concert, we may start thinking she is open-minded to everything except folk. And depending on the importance we place on folk music, we may think more or less of Deb.

This is all happening in microsecond connections in our subconscious. We aren’t aware that we are placing someone above or below who we believed they were, above or below other people we know or above or below ourselves.

I do not have any takeaways or lessons. This is an observation I have made and I wanted to capture it.


I write everyday because it allows me to voice what is at the surface. Once that is out of my head, I can dig in another layer deeper. My daily writing practice has been my greatest exploration of self and humanity. Sign up here to receive these thought nuggets in your inbox on the daily.