I feel loss and grief really deeply.
Reading that, I almost laugh because that’s a pretty silly statement. Doesn’t everyone feel loss and grief deeply?
I have known grief almost my entire existence.
My maternal grandmother died when my mom was around 4 years old.
I carry the grief of my mom not growing up with a mother. And I carry the great contrast of having a mother which magnifies that grief even more so.
I think about this often. Carrying these feelings often overwhelm me. Once these feelings are tapped, the floodgates open and I think of the other grief I carry for myself and the bit that I carry on behalf of others.
It’s almost like, through carrying my mom’s grief, I am used to carry grief on behalf of others.
Sure, I want to be sympathetic, especially to those who I love the most. But holding onto sympathy grief isn’t serving me nor them. Especially when that person doesn’t even feel that grief anymore (or possibly ever)!
I think I’ll hold onto my grief. And I think I’ll hold onto my mom’s for a little bit. But I think I’ll release the grief I’m holding onto for others. I’ll replace that sympathy grief with hopes and dreams and prayers. Those feel lighter and more helpful.
I write everyday because it allows me to voice what is at the surface. Once that is out of my head, I can dig in another layer deeper. My daily writing practice has been my greatest exploration of self and humanity. Sign up here to receive these thought nuggets in your inbox on the daily.