I feel loss and grief really deeply.
Reading that, I almost laugh because that’s a pretty silly statement. Doesn’t everyone feel loss and grief deeply?
I have known grief almost my entire existence.
My maternal grandmother died when my mom was around 4 years old.
I carry the grief of my mom not growing up with a mother. And I carry the great contrast of having a mother which magnifies that grief even more so.
I think about this often. Carrying these feelings often overwhelm me. Once these feelings are tapped, the floodgates open and I think of the other grief I carry for myself and the bit that I carry on behalf of others.
It’s almost like, through carrying my mom’s grief, I am used to carry grief on behalf of others.
Sure, I want to be sympathetic, especially to those who I love the most. But holding onto sympathy grief isn’t serving me nor them. Especially when that person doesn’t even feel that grief anymore (or possibly ever)!
I think I’ll hold onto my grief. And I think I’ll hold onto my mom’s for a little bit. But I think I’ll release the grief I’m holding onto for others. I’ll replace that sympathy grief with hopes and dreams and prayers. Those feel lighter and more helpful.
