We act out when we are hurting. It is so automatic that it may not actually even be recognizable to ourselves and most certainly, not by others.
Whenever we recognize it happening to ourselves, we can sit with the hurt to understand it better.
When it happens to others, we must not dismiss it either, especially if it is someone we love, and we must acknowledge their pain even if they don’t know it themselves. Acknowledging does not mean we tell them they are hurting (that’d be quite unhelpful). We can acknowledge by doing things that help the hurt feel safer, like sitting with the person and listening, spending time together watching a movie or telling them that they are unconditionally loved.
I write this as I realize I did a poor job acknowledging the hurt of one of my kiddos. I realize that my triggered parts labeled their actions as entitlement and selfishness when they really were the reactions of someone who was sad and disappointed. Motherhood helps me constantly review, repair and grow.
