Parenting while informed about trauma does not make me a better parent.
I still get triggered. I still yell. I still get frustrated. I still have unreasonable expectations for what my kids can do.
Lately, the knowledge has felt like a burden. It adds another layer of guilt and responsibility that overwhelms me.
When I lose my temper, my mind immediately fast forwards 10 to 20 years from now where my kids are less of their magnificent selves because of what I did during their childhood.
I know I am a good mom. I know the fear I share above is probably not going to happen. And I know that I cannot take all of the credit for how my kids turn out. But part of me still very much doubts what I am doing. And perhaps that doubt will never leave me.
I am incredibly grateful to know about trauma and to be healing while I parent. There is the saying – with great power comes great responsibility. Parenting is the ultimate responsibility. And I’ve come to learn it also requires great trust in myself, in my children and in the journey.
