Parenting while informed about trauma does not make me a better parent.
I still get triggered. I still yell. I still get frustrated. I still have unreasonable expectations for what my kids can do.
Lately, the knowledge has felt like a burden. It adds another layer of guilt and responsibility that overwhelms me.
When I lose my temper, my mind immediately fast forwards 10 to 20 years from now where my kids are less of their magnificent selves because of what I did during their childhood.
I know I am a good mom. I know the fear I share above is probably not going to happen. And I know that I cannot take all of the credit for how my kids turn out. But part of me still very much doubts what I am doing. And perhaps that doubt will never leave me.
I am incredibly grateful to know about trauma and to be healing while I parent. There is the saying – with great power comes great responsibility. Parenting is the ultimate responsibility. And I’ve come to learn it also requires great trust in myself, in my children and in the journey.
A daily practice challenges the person who creates on “inspiration.” We have to mother everyday, and ultimately, it is the daily grind that gives us perspective, clarity and the “high’s” of motherhood. I am exploring if the same happens when I write everyday on the topics that normally light me up – motherhood, self-development, healing and creating. Sign up here to receive those thought nuggets in your inbox on the daily.