Happy Mother’s Day eve! However you came to be a mother or a nurturer to a child, you deserve the recognition tomorrow and frankly, everyday.
Being a mother is something I think about constantly. I’m entering my 9th year of motherhood. It is as much of a roller coaster ride as it has been from day 1, and I anticipate that is how it will be for the rest of my days.
One of the hardest things about motherhood is that my babies are growing. I love babies. They embody a purity and wholeness that I have forgotten in myself, and it has been through having my babies that I have realized worthiness, unconditional love and the wholeness that had been buried deep within me. As my kids are growing, I have found it more difficult to dole out the adoration, patience, and understanding that I can freely give a little baby.
With my older kids, I get triggered by the things I think they should be doing (or not be doing). By the things they complain about that I never got the chance to experience. And by their lack of awareness of how good they have it! I can feel the temperature of my skin rising.
I’m not a perfect mother because that person doesn’t exist. However, I do know and remind myself that I am the perfect mother to my kids. And my kids are the perfect ones for me.
They rile me up and pour salt on old wounds. And it stings so badly. But I think that is one of the big opportunities as a mother – having my kids’ behavior help identify those old wounds and heal them within myself. Some days the salt is easier to handle than other days.
I have been doing a daily weekday morning practice of breathwork, yoga or meditation this year. It has made me a noticeably more patient and understanding mom. However, this week’s work schedule has been off-the-wall and I only did yoga once. It caught up with me yesterday afternoon as the three of them were wound up from their week and I was trudging to the finish line of mine. I lost my cool multiple times, and it didn’t feel good.
This week has been a great reminder that I have to put my oxygen mask on first. Within the first two weeks of my breath/yoga/meditation routine, I could tell that I had started filling my cup because I wasn’t yelling or getting as worked up as much.
You could say that I lost my oxygen mask this week.
However, I have challenges with the oxygen mask analogy because mothers were never meant to do it alone. We were never meant to be the only person who could put the oxygen mask on our child(ren). If I were to re-write the analogy, I would say – put on your oxygen mask first because someone else who already has their oxygen mask on is going to help your child(ren). Unfortunately, not every mother has the time, resources or support of a village to take care of their mental and physical health.
And so we do the best we can. This whole mothering thing isn’t straightforward and smooth sailing. Find do-able ways to take care of yourself, lean on others for help not just this weekend but everyday and give yourself grace and understanding. And when your oxygen mask is on, see if there is another mother who could use help putting theirs’ on.
