Originally shared to my email newsletter list —

I’ve been drafting this email in my head all week trying to come to terms with what I wanted to share. At this turn of seasons both atmospherically and personally, I am hitting the pause button. I want to say firstly that I recognize the ability to hit pause is such a privilege in our culture. And it should be a right that we all have – to be able to stop, assess and recalibrate our lives. 

As I learned in my fourth grade basketball program, in order to pivot, I’ve first gotta plant one foot down before rotating to the new position.

So today, I’m planting a foot down.

Where am I hitting the pause button?

My daily writing and weekly emails to you.

From an online marketing standpoint, choosing not to write regularly is blasphemous and self-destructive – the equivalent of shooting myself in the foot.

I have written my daily blogs for almost 1,000 days – an unfathomable milestone 3 years ago. It is a process from which I have gained so much. It has shown me that not only can I do something that felt almost impossible but also that I can do it consistently and really make it my own. I’ve unearthed many hidden parts of me and my voice and healed so much of myself in the process.

About a year into daily blogging, I could finally own the title “daily writer.” And I realized recently that I have come to overidentify with that title. It has been a crutch, a security blanket of sorts, a distraction from actually doing the things to grow my coaching practice. 

There’s that quote often misattributed to Einstein that reads “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I have been seeking seeking seeking what is the change I’m meant to make in the world and how do I go about doing it?

I thought I could write my way to the answer and it hasn’t worked. I must take a different approach if I want to identify and claim my next steps. And in a strange, ironic way, like a smirk from the Universe, the first step in my journey is taking away the one consistency I have that is mine. 

In the midst of a pandemic, various life transitions as a mother and inner changes as a human being, my writing has been there for me. Day in and out, I found comfort in coming to my laptop, even on the weary nights, to jot down what was top of mind. It has given me comfort, understanding and a soft place to land as life gave me some hard moments.

There is a saying used among writers that tells us to “kill your darlings” which means to get rid of the parts of our writing that we love because they don’t add to the story or narrative. Pausing my writing feels very much like a “kill your darlings” moment.

Maybe it will be a horrible decision or maybe it will be the best. I won’t know without trying but it’s not forever.

And that is the beauty of life – many decisions are not actually permanent. This pause will allow me to explore a new way of searching and processing. It will take me out of my normal, my comfort, to challenge me in creating anew.

I’m planning to be back in a month, around the 23rd of October. If you want to find me in the meantime, you can respond to this email (I’d love to interview you for a market research conversation to help figure out my next steps) or you can find me on Instagram (@itslisaforreal) where I hope to show up regularly.

This has not been an easy email to write. Part of me is very much heartbroken. Part of me feels like I’m flushing something away that I’ll never get back. And that attachment feels like the thing I need to let go of the most. 

Funny how taking unprovoked action can still feel brave.

I wish you well over the next month – perhaps some brave moments of your own – and hope to hear from you if it feels right for you to reach out.

I have been looking towards this number day for a while – 265 means there are only 100 days left to the year.

It is totally arbitrary and yet feels important at the same time.

Our brains create meaning where they want to.

100 days feels quite significant. It feels like the right time to look back to see what has happened for me so far this year and to look forward in gratitude for what will happen for me the rest of the year.

We are always in this space and time of ‘now’ where there is always a before and after. We always have a choice to say if life is happening for us or to us. We have agency in making meaning or not to.

While the earth may revolve around the sun and spin on its axis without any input from me, there is no doubt that those planetary miracles are happening for me. Perhaps the same can be said for all the other things around me whether there is any input from me.

I have had busy periods in my life and often, there is a “finish line.” Weeks of obligations and things to check off my list and I tell myself – then I will rest after I finish XYZ.

Having a goal post or a finish line gives me something to work towards. And it can also make me put my blinders on and forget to check in with my body, my relationships and my soul.

It can feel “on purpose” to work towards something, and yet, ultimately, there is really no finish line. We should be pausing everyday, maybe every hour to ask ourselves “is this still what I want?” “does this still make sense?” “have my needs and desires changed at all?”

And then after asking these questions, we wait.

Wait until we get an answer from our inner knowing, from our soul, from our wisest self.

Say no to doing what you don’t want to do.

Say yes to doing what you do want to do.

Whether we say yes or we say no, lets work towards the life we want to lead.

Make sure you don’t switch those yes’s and no’s.

I realized lately, I cringe at the word “fun.” I don’t consider myself a “fun” parent. My idea of fun is hunkering down at my computer and solving an Excel problem.

Fun is circular with no beginning and no end. There’s no actual productive output.

My upbringing and capitalism have drained all of the funny out of my bones (I do have fun with words though :).

Because of this, it is something I am deeply exploring because we all deserve to have fun. To be able to enjoy ourselves in the moment of doing something without being concerned of what the long term vision is or if it aligns with this or that part of our life.

What is the adult version of fun? More importantly, what is MY version of fun? Is it coloring books with way too many details? Is it going out for dinner with friends? Is it perusing the shelves of the local bookstore without a purpose in mind?

I’m embracing this exploration as I think so much of me needs to rekindle her relationship to fun. What do you consider fun? I’d love some ideas.