During a visit to an art gallery, I saw an exquisite painting of fishes with their eyes appearing to pop off of the canvas. I walked over to the painting expecting to see a raised spot where the eyes were but did not see anything. The artist had painted it quite skillfully.

The gallery employee said to me that the artist is a scuba diver and loves using the sea and its animals as the source of inspiration. She further went on to say that you paint what you know and/or what you want to communicate.

I’d never heard art expressed that way.

Well, of course, it makes sense to paint what you know and love. When we love something or someone, we see them through different eyes. And when we paint through those eyes, we enable observers to temporarily see through them as well.

Every time I get the honor to attend a wedding, tears flow as I witness the various forms of love on display. Weddings are such wonderful celebrations of love. 

Yes, a celebration for the couple getting married. 

And also, a celebration for all those attending who get to witness it and be reminded of their own aspirations of love – romantic, familial and all sorts inbetween. 

This can be triggering if aspirations of love don’t match reality or if the love being celebrated is not one that the observer agrees with. That is a reality for some and maybe I’ll address them in a different post. 

Valentine’s Day celebrates love but that Hallmark version of love does not compare to the love being celebrated at a wedding – whatever form the event takes – because stripping aside the fancy clothing, flowers and cake, you’ve got commitment. (Note: I acknowledge declarations of commitment can be declared in any space or setting but weddings are the traditional ceremony to do juhst that.)

Commitment is no joke, and it takes many forms. Commitment to your partner, of course, commitment to and commitment to yourself. 

At a recent wedding, the couple asked their guests to write down marriage advice. I wrote something to the effect of – “Remember to grow as individuals, respect that growth and also grow together.” 

We can only focus on so much. Studies have been done on how we can’t actually multi-task. (Parts of me still haven’t come to terms with that.)

Give yourself some slack when it feels like you’ve taken one step forward and two steps back. When we take that step forward into new territory, our brains need time to acclimate. And so, other areas may take a back seat or even no seat while we integrate that new experience or information. 

I joined the gym in October and have been very dedicated to going most days of the week. I’ve been so focused on integrating this new aspect of my identity as a working mom who also goes to the gym, and as a result, some other personal to do’s have fallen off or felt a lower priority.

And that is okay. It is okay that my new habit isn’t seamlessly slipping into my daily routine. Change takes time and adjustments! 

So release the expectation that you’ve got to do all the new things and also continue being exactly who and how you are. After those two steps back, you’ll get to take three forward. 

oday is the first day of December and the holiday season is underway. The word use more often this time of year than any other is joy.

For a long time, I didn’t understand what all the hub-bub was about joy.

I truly didn’t get why joy was a wonderful thing. It seemed like there were more important things like feeling empowered, fulfilled or healthy.

When I first learned of having a word for the year (in lieu of resolutions) on a podcast, the person sharing chose joy as their word. Upon hearing that, I remember dismissing it. I thought joy was a bit “extra”, overdone and unoriginal. Why work towards this form of happiness when I could be happy doing other things like work or parenting?

But the thing with joy is that it is happiness without the doing. It is to feel all the forms of tremendous happiness in the here and now without any strings attached. Who wouldn’t want that?

Well…someone who has been taught that the doing is more important than the being, that’s who.

So as that person, I am working towards more joy in my life. It is a uphill journey with regular reminders that joy is real, achievable and something worthwhile. It may very well be my word for 2023.

What if we aren’t to work towards the things that make us feel good? But to instead, look at the things that feel unimportant? We may feel things are unimportant not because they should be deprioritized but because we have been taught that they are not attainable or worthy of our efforts or that we aren’t worthy of it or because it wasn’t essential to our survival and therefore “extra.” That is a result of nurture, not nature. There are things we have a right to as human beings – joy being one of them.

What is your version of “joy” that you deem unimportant? How did it become unimportant?

To me, the most backward thing about the “modern” healthcare system is the emphasis and value of reactive care vs. proactive care. Insurance often does not cover naturopathic, natural, holistic and/or preventative care. Instead the dollars go towards allopathic care which often addresses issues only after they have been detected.

Growing up, my family followed traditional Chinese medicine practices and emphasized balance in the body, used certain foods to counter the indulgent qualities of others and followed lifestyle practices that supported the body. When we were sick, we minimally used pharmaceuticals and instead focused on herbs and soups. We believed in the intelligence of the body, and we focused on partnering with it to achieve health vs. trying to overpower it when things fell out of line.

Mental and emotional health cannot follow the same exact principles. However, I see some parallels in how I approach my own and my clients’ healing.

• The body is absolutely intelligent, and partnering with our bodies and brains to heal makes more sense than trying to overpower them.
• Balance is the objective. It is not about never having challenging moments but to find ways to come back to center.
• Being proactive means examining our inner worlds regularly, not waiting for something huge to happen before addressing

Of course, much of what I do is reactive as I have decades of experiences to examine. But, I take these learnings and bring them into my parenting.

How we see our bodies is fundamental to how we heal. How do you see your body?