Lisa for Real

2.246 What to do with random ponderings

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I had a thought last month when I was on vacation – the best time for random ponderings.

What if we are born wounded already? And what if our experiences are not meant to cause those wounds but instead are meant to be tools to help us heal from those wounds we entered this life with already?

There are absolutely holes to this theory, and I’m not sure I even fully believe it. But random ponderings and incomplete thoughts like these are worth exploring even if they end up in a dead end. How are we supposed to make the most of this life and find our way through it if we don’t turn it upside down every once in a while and figure it out however we can?

2.245 Impact of shame

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As a mother, I could shame my children into doing the “right” thing or I can teach them to have boundaries, self confidence and values which would help bring them to the “right” thing as well. The value of community is why shame has such a strong impact.

We could do something in fear of being ostracized and not receive the love we so truly want (shame) or we could do something because we truly love the people we are in community with and know they support us.

The idea of a world full of healthy attachment seems utopian to me sometimes but it’s a great one to work towards.

2.244 A world without darkness

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Can you imagine a world without hate, anger, shame, poverty, sadness, tragedy, trauma or pain?

It is funny what us humans hold onto in order to make sense of the world.

I’m not sure we can ever fully eradicate the bad things in the world. Part of me very much believes in yin and yang, a sense of balance between the darkness and the light. What I love most about the yin and yang symbol is that it is in motion. Black flows into white which is then flowing into black and so on.

It is important that we do not stay in the darkness and make a home there but instead, move onto the white.

If you cannot imagine a world without hate, anger, shame, poverty, sadness, tragedy, trauma or pain, is there a possibility that holding onto that idea serves you in some way?

If someone grew up with poverty, that may be all they know. Asking them to imagine a world without poverty may be too far of a stretch for them because their identity, from a very young age, was built around poverty. They created their own set of truths to incorporate their understanding of poverty.

Holding onto those negative aspects of the world is a way to justify your existence. Because if there was a world without poverty, it would mean that your various ways of existing and living in this world don’t have a place anymore. You don’t have an alternative story to tell yourself. So instead of being in a limbo state with no explanation of what a world without poverty means to you, you will continue with a story about poverty that ultimately harms you.

This is why darkness continues, because we have to attach to it in order to make sense of our world. Until we can release our attachment to those negative aspects, we will continue to pass it on from generation to generation.

2.243 Let’s stop making it so hard

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Life does not have to be hard in order for us to enjoy it.

Work does not have to be hard in order for us to earn money.

Relationships do not have to be hard in order for us to deserve and receive love.

Some where and some how we have created beliefs that things have to be hard, that life cannot be easy, and that results are directly correlated with hours spent, tears shed and sweat dripped.

How can someone divest their self of the belief that “Money (or relationships or traveling or ______) is only worth it if it is hard” when it oozes through every nook and cranny of our culture?

I used to self sabotage my relationship with my husband when we were dating and really into our marriage. It would be like I hit a ceiling in happiness and I would pick a fight or do something that would trigger him (like be late to engagement photos – yikes!). This was all subconsciously, of course. It took his commitment to me, helping rewire my brain to realize that I was deserving. The co-regulation and being seen, heard and loved helped me breakthrough that ceiling and patterning.

With money, I find myself subconsciously making work harder and thus making money hard earned. This is because my immigrant family had to work hard for money. There was no other option. They couldn’t rely on education or connections or even the ability to drive. An hourly wage (starting at $3/hr) plus overtime if you brought the extra work home or showed up early.

I am so lucky – I have no barriers of that sort. So instead, I turn to the limits I do have which are time (i.e., procrastinating) and doing things I don’t like [this is really hard for me as a Generator type (via Human Design)]. These are my privileged forms of self sabotage.

Where is the ease? How can I break through the patterning?

Perhaps it is imagining money holding the qualities of my husband circa 2003 with unwavering love and patience. Holding space and belief in our relationship. Maybe love is the answer here.

2.242 Back to school feels

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The first day of school is an unofficial holiday. A celebration of an end and a beginning. A bit like New Year’s or a birthday.

Identity shifts instantly for everyone involved. The child goes from being a 2nd grader to a 3rd grader. A parent then becomes a parent to a 3rd grader. A sibling has to shift their understanding of who their family members are. The whole family shifts into new roles. A teacher has a whole new class. A school has a new dynamic. A town has a new shape.

Back to school has a buzz to it. Anticipation to what will be and final closure to what has been. It ushers along all who are involved whether they want off the ride or not.

The buzz of a new school year is not always comfortable and positive as shedding of who we were and what has gone is sometimes not easy. Time passed will never be relived and some choices cannot be changed – that challenges even the best of us.

Like for all milestones, there is a mix of heavy and light, excitement and anxiety, joy and sadness as we grow and shift.