I made a big financial and time commitment this week to invest in a course. It’s one of those decisions where I feel like the trajectory of my life will change.
While I don’t make such decisions everyday, I felt confident about it. I knew it was where I needed to be. I felt similarly to when I was selecting my college and when I signed up for my health coaching certification.
Those decisions had similar decision making patterns that I could fall back on.
When we are faced with an important decision, we can access our knowing. How past decisions worked out are certainly helpful reference points. Tapping into our values and truths is also important. And the feeling of alignment is essential.
Making a decision does not have to be paralyzing and come from a fearful place. We can flip that script.

Healing is not a one and done kind of activity. Nor is it one dimensional. There are likely infinite layers we can work on though I think at a certain point, we have to stop so we can actually live our life!

At the very start of healing work, we’ve first got to bring in the possibility that things can be better. If you can’t believe that, the rest of it is useless.

We’ve got to believe there are more and better things in store for us and that we are worthy of it.

Blaming yourself can actually be a good indicator of your power.

If you believe that YOU are the one at fault and that You are the sole reason for your problem, then you believe that you had enough agency to create your not-so-great situation. And if that is true, then you have enough agency to create the solution!

Spin that blame around and realize that you have the power to shift your role in your problematic situation.

After writing yesterday’s post (Releasing sympathy grief), I went into one of my self healing sessions.

I identified the grief I was holding onto and spoke to it. I cried. A lot. My eyes still feel the sting of the tears today. I released those feelings from all parts of my body, listing off each part. I spoke to my inner child, releasing her bonds to this grief that she took on at a young age. I released the grief back into the world to be recycled into something better.

Today, I breathed more fully than I have been able to in a long time. Not only are my breaths fuller but they feel richer. Like, not only can I take in more air but the air itself has more oxygen. My yawns even feel more productive.

I’ve been searching for the source of this tightness in my chest. I wonder if part of it has gone the way of that sympathy grief, to be recycled by the Universe into something more productive.

I feel loss and grief really deeply.

Reading that, I almost laugh because that’s a pretty silly statement. Doesn’t everyone feel loss and grief deeply?

I have known grief almost my entire existence.

My maternal grandmother died when my mom was around 4 years old.

I carry the grief of my mom not growing up with a mother. And I carry the great contrast of having a mother which magnifies that grief even more so.

I think about this often. Carrying these feelings often overwhelm me. Once these feelings are tapped, the floodgates open and I think of the other grief I carry for myself and the bit that I carry on behalf of others.

It’s almost like, through carrying my mom’s grief, I am used to carry grief on behalf of others.

Sure, I want to be sympathetic, especially to those who I love the most. But holding onto sympathy grief isn’t serving me nor them. Especially when that person doesn’t even feel that grief anymore (or possibly ever)!

I think I’ll hold onto my grief. And I think I’ll hold onto my mom’s for a little bit. But I think I’ll release the grief I’m holding onto for others. I’ll replace that sympathy grief with hopes and dreams and prayers. Those feel lighter and more helpful.