Lisa for Real

066. When did that pattern start?

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Noticing a pattern is a signal to the brain that there is something interesting, maybe even significant, to explore.

A pattern, by definition, continues unless something disrupts it.

As mothers, we have the opportunity to stop our harmful patterns so they don’t get passed down to our children and our children’s children.

Many times, those patterns did not start with us and recognizing the origin of the pattern helps in stopping it.

The origin is not a person. The origin is the circumstances that created the pattern. Identifying our ancestor’s life situation and the systemic, cultural and societal issues at play are what is needed to heal our wounds.

Knowing it did not originate with a person removes the blame that can paralyze us from taking action to rectify a pattern that does not serve us or our lineage.

065. The value of the gap year

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In college, some students take a “gap year.” It means that they didn’t take the standard path that their constituencies took. Ultimately, it is a resume builder, like studying abroad, and that student stands out to recruiters adding a point of interest in conversation.

As moms, our gap years are detrimental to our careers.

Many mothers take “gap years” to stay home with their children, and if they return to the workforce, they are penalized for that time they took “off” from work.

But those years have added experience to their skillset, just as a gap year has added experience to that student’s resume. Just because that time is not economically “productive” does not mean there isn’t value to it.

In fact, it’s the polar opposite.

064. The ultimate question

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What is this life for?

Supposedly, the meaning of life exists somewhere.

Is it joy? Happiness? Being a mother? Leaving the world a better place? Solving inequities?

All of these things are wonderful, but our journey to those things can be painful sometimes and the path is bumpy and winding. It seems like there are more dead ends than openings. In the search for joy and hope, we can feel anger, sadness and hopelessness.

How do we reconcile those feelings when we are in the pursuit of quite the opposite?

In reality, those feelings exist whether or not we are on purpose. Does the search for the meaning of life justify those feelings?

Is the meaning of life the search for the meaning of life?

063. This isn’t hide and seek

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We don’t find ourselves by standing still. By stopping all activity until we finally know who we are. By hiding in a cave until future she shows herself to us. 

We find ourselves by doing.

Doing the things we feel called to do.

Then making mistakes and saying “Hey, that’s not quite for me.”

We find ourselves by creating.

Creating things we are proud of. 

Things that work and things that don’t work.

We find ourselves by feeling into our bodies as we do all of these things. Maybe it feels good to fail. Maybe it feels good to wake up before dawn. 

No one knows but you. And you won’t know until you stop hiding. 

062. Do we need to be better?

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What if the goal is not to be a bigger, better version of ourselves, but to be wholly ourselves – fully filled and satiated with life?

That would mean, instead of taking classes to fill the knowledge gaps to become a better artist, we simply do art more often.

Note – we aren’t doing art more often so that we can get “better.” That approach assumes that who we are is not enough. “More often” means doing it as we can, more often.

It’s quite simple. If we love it, we do it. Only the critics care about it being “better.”

Your whole self does not care if you are a better artist – it only cares that you express yourself every opportunity you can through art because you are an artist.