This post was originally written on November 6, 2015 on my Google document app the day after I came up with the name Lisa for Real.
I am choosing to write in secret. I almost feel like an addict taking steps in recovery.
My ego has been fed for so long in my publicizing my work.
My half-hearted, ego feeding work. My previous writing endeavors haven’t been bad but they haven’t been blow-my-mind-off-the-wall good either. I wrote information that I thought would be helpful for others but did not really stretch my own abilities. Okay, let’s reread that – I wrote “information.” Ew. What an objective, PC and boring word!
My previous writing has been very surface level, almost like an 8th grade term paper, never really going in depth, not sharing a true point of view and writing to get that A+ from the teacher.
I have come to learn writing needs to feed the writer before its readers.
Now I know, if the writing doesn’t impact, capture and captivate me, it’s not worth it. And ultimately, not for my readers either. They are pretty smart and will skim right through uninspired writing.
You don’t have to have amazing reading comprehension to detect ego driven work. Your gut calls it out and your hands will flip or mouse will click to the next thing. I’ve been there.
That’s why I’m choosing to write in secret. This doesn’t mean that this “post” will never be published but writing with the intention of getting my thoughts on paper is more valuable than a “good job” from anyone else. This I have come to realize.
I have been desperately trying to come up with a blog name, a place online to call home, and I think I thought of one yesterday! When sharing this with my husband, he asked why I have to publish when I state that I am ultimately writing for me. I didn’t have a good answer for him when he asked (he’s very good at checking my ego). It actually made me second guess myself and made me dig deeper.
I realized, this is who I am.
I have always hit “Publish” because I create in hopes to help and empower others. My previous efforts were fruitless because I led with that intention whereas now I lead with writing for personal fulfillment.
While I have really come to love writing and feel an internal joy with it, I need to share my writing. My work just wouldn’t be fully “me” if it isn’t put out there with the chance of catching someone’s eye and maybe helping them. By writing in secret, I preserve the sanctity of my writing and thoughts but by sharing, I stay in alignment with my soul’s purpose.
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